The idea of the close-knit desi joint family has been perpetuated so rampantly throughout generations that many consider it a blessing to live in one. But the ones who have actually lived in such a set-up can vouch for the fact that it is not easy and it comes with its own set of difficulties.
You will regularly hear of family disputes from joint families as it is normal for problems to arise when so many small families are living in one big house. There will be competitional, trauma, insecurities – all of it.
One woman named Muniba Hasan took to Twitter to claim that the joint family system is the “most hostile environment” which parents can provide for their children. She added that children in joint families will then be growing up with trauma after having experienced “petty family feuds” and “unnecessary criticism”.
Joint Family System is probably the most hostile environment you can provide to your children .There is absolutely no use of family values when your children grow up having traumas of witnessing petty family feuds,unnecessary destructive criticism resulting in impaired cognition
— Muniba Hasan (@MunibaHasan7) July 27, 2022
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There were many who supported her argument and claimed that it can often take a toll on their kids’ mental health. They further urged couples to be financially independent enough to live on their own in a nuclear family setup.
You are absolutely right. We need to wake up because we’re just letting the trauma pass from one generation to another. Please read this. I wrote it a couple of days back https://t.co/n5lamNuvSJ
— Salahu’d Din (@SaladinQureshi) July 28, 2022
Somehow agreed but it varies on family to family & their living standards. We can’t say all are say or max are but I am pretty sure one would be facing many problems in joint family system. There can be different scenarios which makes your life miserable but you do compromise.
— Umar (@umarshahid749) July 28, 2022
As long as mother in laws will keep treating their daughter in laws the way their mother in law treated them nothing is going to change.
Women when roles reversed forget how they felt when they were forced to live in joint family system & insist their sons live with them instead
— Muhammad Haider Shafqaat 🇵🇰 (@haidershafqaat) July 28, 2022
To be fair this has become more common now due to a confluence of individualism and patriarchy.
Earlier, this was a very standard mode of living with lots of benefits in terms of providing financial coverage
— Affan Syed (@aintiha) July 28, 2022
I understand how toxic it can be, its better to educate your children that even your closest blood relatives can be toxic, envious and downright kameenay, the sooner your kids learn it the better
— Usman Gondal (@uagtw) July 28, 2022
Local desi family culture has actuated the mental health destruction at widest level. But more frustrating is to see elders are yet not ready to accept the hooligans they become in name of cultural and family values. The petty traumatic events not only in huge joint families but
— عمیر (@umairrr95) July 28, 2022
i grew up in a joint family
my father was elder of his 7 siblings and all his life he spent and take care of his brothers rather than his own children and at the end he died and none of brothers take care of our family and even take possession of his business
— TA (@TraderAli2030) July 29, 2022
On the other hand, there were also people who supported the joint family setup and highlighted that just like every other thing, living in a joint family does have its pros and cons.
But nuclear families where children grow up in day care or under the care of maid away from there close relatives is a bliss.
— طلحة خان (@Tkhann20) July 28, 2022
Family values differ from family to family, for that u can’t blame the whole system, the reality u mentioned is not same everywhere
— Mahnoor Sajid (@Mahnoor_sajid27) July 28, 2022
Ppl live in joint family mostly because they can’t afford of have separate house, still they marry to harden the life of wife then produce children to destroy their experience of ‘happy’ house.
What ppl can do is to be self dependent in term of house, finances before marriage
— Tale of trees (@TaleOfTrees) July 28, 2022
Joint family system have pros and cons. I live in joint family system. In joint family system, no one can enjoy privacy ٫ you will have to ask for very small things from family but in joint family system, every person is ready for your help in the time of sorrow and happiness.
— Aamir khan (@Aamirkh52713299) July 28, 2022
subcontinent has lived in joint family systems for known human history, it is a part of our culture disposition, we must learn to deal with it because all subsequent generations might have to go through it in 1 way or the other
— Usman Gondal (@uagtw) July 28, 2022
It is not the joint family setup as a whole that can be toxic. But it is the people living in it. A child can be extremely happy living in a big fat family. The same child can be extremely unhappy living in a nuclear family that has one toxic member.