Have you had one of those days at work where you had to put on a smile and reply to emails/messages with the utmost respect and diplomacy even though you are dying inside? Yeah, same.
Turns out that a lot of people go through the same and are taking to Twitter to translate some of the corporate phrases we say on a day-to-day basis to what they really mean, reports NDTV. It started with one Twitter user asking people what are their favourite “insufferable work gibberish phrases” and thousands of hilarious responses poured in.
Have a look!
i've recently become obsessed with all the insane corporate ways we say normal things to each other.
"I’m a little confused" is by far my favorite – it's absolute rage masked as a professional pleasantry.
what are some of your best/most insufferable work gibberish phrases?
— delia paunescu (@delia_p) January 29, 2020
1.
“Can I ask a clarifying question?” (Read: if you can’t organize your thoughts, I will.)
— Hawkerella (@Hawkerella) January 31, 2020
2.
“I’m sorry; I think my email/statement probably wasn’t clear. Hopefully this helps” = you’re either stupid or deliberately ignored what I said/asked.
— Naima Cochrane (@naima) January 29, 2020
3.
Stealing from somewhere but it’s true: “I hope this helps!”=never ask me for anything ever again
— Nibelaqualungenlied (@wolfingtongang) January 29, 2020
4.
"Thank you for your feedback! I'll be sure to keep it in mind!" <- your criticism is completely irrelevant if not flat out wrong and you know less on the topic than the back end of a donkey, but I have to pretend like I at least considered your opinion.
— FerretXilla (@FerretXilla) January 29, 2020
5.
“Looking forward to your speedy response,”
Respond in the next hour or I will send you into the shadow realm
— mikk (@immikkydyer) January 31, 2020
6.
“Let’s take that offline”. Code for, we’re not talking about that here…..or ever.
— Justin Kelly (@rozza1001) January 30, 2020
7.
“As previously discussed” = I didn’t put in writing last time because I thought you were an adult.
— Mitch Dinkins (@MitchDinkins) January 29, 2020
8.
"While I understand your urgency…"
=
"Procrastination on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part."— Bärí A. Williams (@BariAWilliams) January 29, 2020
9.
'In the future, please correspond directly with (..) on this issue' = Do not, I repeat, do not message me about this bullsh*t again. No, seriously, do not CC, BCC or look this way again. I'm not playing. 😑
— They Selling Beans™️ (@DPMCanty) January 29, 2020
10.
Maybe not insufferable but I absolutely love how “per my last email” is code for “do you even know how to f’ing read?”
— *pls wear a mask 😷* (briana mcdougall) (@briana9) January 29, 2020
11.
“Give the details to my associate.”
Read: You’re too insignificant for my time, but just important enough to waste my minion’s time.
— Jack Lynx (@LuvFuzzyBunnies) January 29, 2020
12.
"Sorry, I was on mute." – I have no interest in this meeting whatsoever.
— AT&T (@ATT) January 29, 2020
13.
English language & culture… where to begin?
– Sir/Mam
– Please
– Dear,
– How wonderful it was to see you…
– I would really appreciate if you can…All this politeness stuff you guys are forced to do. And the second that other person leaves, you talk shit about them. pic.twitter.com/cJANxWs0EH
— Jonas Bröms (@jonasbroms) January 30, 2020
14.
"Just circling back on this" = "I just need you do answer. A goddamn 'yes' or 'no' will do, JUST ANSWER."
— Alisha Grauso (@AlishaGrauso) January 29, 2020
15.
https://twitter.com/Jamie7Keller/status/1222566113114017793
16.
“Just want to make sure everyone is on the same page”= y’all are shit talking behind each other’s backs constantly and I think you’re both assholes
— Jessica Ellis (@baddestmamajama) January 29, 2020
17.
‘Just so I understand …’ = what you are saying is so unacceptable and/or insane that I am going to make you repeat it.
— Nicole RY (@NicoleRY2) January 30, 2020
18.
"I'll let you two take it from here." = "I'm not a part of this and don't want to be."
— Alisha Grauso (@AlishaGrauso) January 29, 2020
19.
“If I could just play devil’s advocate for a minute” = your idea is the king of bad ideas I can’t believe you suggested it.
— Sherry Pagoto (@DrSherryPagoto) January 29, 2020
20.
"We're going to have to table this conversation for now."
We're literally never going to discuss this again.
— ᴀʜᴍᴀᴅ ᴄʜɪʟᴅʀᴇss (@AhmadChildress) January 29, 2020
21.
“Please confirm” aka don’t ignore me like you always do
— E (@em19ily) January 29, 2020
From now on, every time I use one of these corporate phrases, my boss/colleagues will know EXACTLY what I mean. If that isn’t terrifying I don’t know what is! 😛
Cover: Source.