13 Kinds Of Indians That Exist Out There. Which One Are You?

A nation of 1.25 billion people and thousands of languages, we are bound to have some variety in people. But such a big population will also have people of different aspirations, interests, and beliefs. There is also going to be a huge variation in how the people actually perceive the nation as.

Do they love it unconditionally? Do they resent living here? Do they want our nation to be great?

I attempt to list out the types of Indians I have come across, read, and heard about.

Here goes.


 1. The chauvinist

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Everything is great, the country, its people, everything is frickin’ spic and span.

The country smells like lilies and an Einstein is born every 2 seconds in the country.

The roads are paved with gold and the farms and factories produce more produce than United States and China put together.

We are the best, and if you say any word against it, you are a traitor!

“Oh and what about people who shit on the roadside?!”

“That is chocolate coming out of their butts. We made our citizens into chocolate-making people”


2. The patriot

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He loves his country more than his mom and wife and kids and spends more time in its betterment than the betterment of his own life.
Oh, and he will just give up his life, literally, if the nation asks for it.


3. The migrant

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Everything is awesome and more awesome because the country they came from was so much worse. India is a first world country and took us in without border checks and even gave us Aadhar cards. Now we are Indians too. How many European nations can claim such generous hospitality?


4. The pessimist

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Everything is going to the dogs the economy, the culture, the people, everything! Nothing works right in this country.
Grumble grumble mumble mumble….


5. The realist

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Everything is facts, nothing is good or bad.

“What do you think about India’s growth?”
“6.7 percent”

“Umm, what about gender disparity?”
“908 to 1000”

“Do you love your mom?”
“94 out of 102 times, with an error margin of 8.934 percent”


6. The NRI

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Everything is hunky dory because he visits the country only for a week every year. He doesn’t even have time to look at the state of affairs the country is in, juggling his time between the countless relatives who solely invite him so that they can get some “phoren ka chocolate”

But he does send money back to the country. Good for us.


7. The ignorant

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Getting through a single day is a heroic struggle for them, especially when the stupid government says they just need 24 rupees a day to live and eat. How can they even think of anything beyond their daily sustenance?


8. The casuals

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Election season? Kejriwal and Anna Hazare asking for a peaceful protest?! We are IN. Let’s get our bikes and wave the Indian flag. Oh and pin the Indian flag to our kurtas and cars and bikes during Independence day and Republic day.

When the dust settles down, we do not give a shit, unless it is casually expressing outrage on Facebook, which we are totally for.

“Why are you giving me judgmental looks? I got a job and people to take care of!”


9. The sheep?

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They believe everything they are told by the “leaders” without a shred of critical thinking. But that is because they are lured by alcohol, money, and sweet words.

Sometimes the words resonate with them because the people who lure them are excellent orators. Sadly they do not use their skills for constructive purposes.

The sheep will believe the leaders to the extent that they will even riot and kill if the leader is a good enough orator to drive them to a frenzy.


10. The HMT watches

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They live in the yesteryear, looking at the present state of affairs pitifully.

They have a layer of mist on their eyes glistening when a youth behaves rashly or when a bureaucrat delays their pension.

Integrity and pride are more important than personal wealth and status. They live in the past, chatting up with their buddies of how the things were and then come back to the hellish place that is the present.


11. The opportunists

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They are the experts in making hay while the sun shines.

They know that the population is too large, and hence their potential for opportunities is limitless.

Rising onion prices, an exponential rise in the cost of food after a natural calamity, booming real estate, all orchestrated by them.

They have the politicians in their deep pockets and love the power they wield. And they know the exact time to cash in their chips in and get out of the casino.


12. The enemies

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They do not believe in the idea of the nation at all. Personal gain and ideals take much more importance than anything else, even at the expense of another person’s comfort.

Terrorists, people engaging in clandestine activity against the state and people who take up arms against the state itself.

Oh, and the greatest enemy of this country of all, far more destructive than the terrorists who kill people – the bureaucracy.

The babus who think they run the system, and actually do, rusted cogs with a colonial mindset with no sense of productivity will take this country to the gates of hell because they are too corrupt to do their job correctly.


13. And finally, the hopeful…

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The youth? They are the people who last the shortest among all Indians.

Few still maintain hope after some years having seen the system.

They are intelligent to know that there are people who can bring change and they truly believe that the country can change for the better.

Alas, we need more of them. So many more.

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