Let’s dissect the age-old institution of arranged marriages and lay bare its essence: it’s essentially a business deal struck between two families, where the woman is expected to embody traditional beauty, manage the household with finesse, cater to her in-laws’ every need, bear children, and serve as an ideal partner to her husband. In return, the man’s primary role is often reduced to being the financial provider for the family.
Yet, in today’s world, when a woman dares to exercise her agency and reject suitors who don’t meet her standards, she’s unfairly branded with the derogatory label of a “gold-digger”. It’s a term loaded with judgment and archaic expectations, overlooking the fact that for centuries, men and their families have unabashedly demanded dowries and imposed unrealistic demands on prospective brides.
Questions were raised when a user on X (formerly Twitter) claimed how a friend, who is an engineer with an 8 LPA salary package, was rejected by a woman who left her job a year ago because she felt exhausted. The reason why she rejected the guy was because his salary package didn’t meet her expectations. He also has a slimmer physique. On the other hand, the woman’s family expects someone who has a salary package of around Rs 25 lakhs.
One of my engineer friend who is earning 8LPA and it's been only two years of his job and belongs to a well to do baniya family got rejected for arranged marriage by a girl who left her job last year because she felt exhausted and not she's not doing anything now…reason for
— IMG🩺 (@peacehipeace) April 3, 2024
Rejection is that Package of the boy is less and he is a bit slim …the girl family wants minimum 25LPA package of a boy who’s going to marry their girl …no way men are to be blamed everytime about everything…when a girl can earn why did she need to be dependent like this
— IMG🩺 (@peacehipeace) April 3, 2024
Now, as women are asserting themselves and voicing their own preferences and needs, why are they met with such criticism? Shouldn’t they be applauded for refusing to conform to outdated norms that have long oppressed them?
These are some of the questions that were being asked by people who read this post. Have a look:
Its fine. What’s wrong with having expectations ? Also, it’s a win for the boy that she revealed her expectations clearly before marriage. Now, he will be on his way to making 25 lpa in next 2-4 yrs ( hopefully🍀) & marry a different girl who expects him to make 5lpa.
— ˗ˏˋ S ˊˎ (@booboohq) April 3, 2024
Now you know how it feels about dowry expectations
— Cereal🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️ (@TransBbSaral) April 4, 2024
8L is way too low if they have to live in a metro city Atleast 15L pa is mandatory.
— Way2Tauheed (@TauheedWay) April 3, 2024
Girl is right here, she has every right to express her opinions, your friend should have dated and married someone his fault don’t blame girl for demands in arranged marriage
— blomkist (@blomkist1) April 3, 2024
men when they realise women have expectations in a transactional arranged marriage just like them https://t.co/yVmqpEyGPW pic.twitter.com/XMe7vxi8AN
— priya (@sectorverkwan) April 4, 2024
I think we can all agree that arranged marriages are a dehumanising institution where men are reduced to money and women to looks, caregiving ability and presumed fertility.
Its only purpose is the preservation of caste endogamy. https://t.co/eBCzSCYIgA
— Sarayu Pani (@sarayupani) April 4, 2024
if a marriage is being “arranged” why cant the girl have expectations lmao. the whole point of arranged marriages is judging each other, mostly the women, on the most shallow terms. stop crying & ask your friend to find someone who’s okay with his package https://t.co/ThXjtQXaKQ
— k (@krownnist) April 4, 2024
As long as women used to quietly oblige marital demands, arranged marriages were a boon. Suddenly now women too started being quite practical and transactional, we are questioning it? https://t.co/0p0j6KDwOb
— Suchi SA (@suchi_a) April 5, 2024
Arranged marriages, as the name suggests, are arrangements. Men have had preferences in arranged marriages FOR EVER! Women are finally not settling for anything less than their list of wants/needs. It’s finally an attempt at an equal bargain. Why the hurt? https://t.co/51BkQJ9NCe
— Doctor (@DipshikhaGhosh) April 4, 2024
Men literally bring one thing to the table in arranged marriages and if they don’t even have money then what’s the point?? https://t.co/fG7WYIsZs1
— shruberry (blue tick) (@psychedamygdala) April 4, 2024
Men finally realising that arranged marriage is dehumanising where a human being is valued as per their providing ability or looks. The 8lpa guy surely has set some criteria too like complexion, height, caste, religion, family ethnicity, caregiving ability to name a few. https://t.co/2CDb74nKWb
— 𝖀𝖕𝖆𝖘𝖔𝖓𝖆 𝕭𝖆𝖓𝖊𝖗𝖏𝖊𝖊 ☭ ☀️ (@UpasonaB) April 4, 2024
Arrange marriages dehumanise everyone involved in it. However, dating apps aren't too different either. People do not date anyone out of their social circles nor someone who isn't conventionally attractive. However, the caste endogamy is perpetuated by means of arrange marriages https://t.co/Uq4MEwWkCd
— AH (@TaciturnToast) April 4, 2024
Did your friend serve tea properly? Did he make sure his eyes were looking down when the girl’s family visited?
Can’t have these “new age” men running around wearing jeans, using mobile phones and talking back to elders. https://t.co/FQoxETk6eS
— Sibin (@sibinmohan) April 5, 2024
It’s high time we acknowledge that relationships, whether arranged or not, should be based on mutual respect, understanding, and shared values. Women shouldn’t be vilified for advocating for their own happiness and fulfilment, just as men shouldn’t be absolved of their responsibility to evolve beyond narrow-minded expectations.