When you’re in your 20s, you’re often subjected to the Domino effect. If this was even remotely related to pizza, I’d be the happiest soul on earth. Unfortunately, I’m talking about the less delicious and infinitely more expensive life choice: marriage.
The first domino fell when I was 21; a college friend announced that she was getting married. That was it. One by one, every friend, girl and guy, succumbed to the lure of the wretched ‘M’ word. In the six years since the ‘epidemic’ first broke, I’ve gone from attending bachelorettes to baby showers in what feels like the blink of an eye.
I’m 26, the last domino standing, and I couldn’t bring myself to fall for marriage as my immediate fate.
According to my mother, (who, right as you read this, would be browsing matrimonial apps with the same dedication I browse dating apps with) I was a free agent. No pressure to take the plunge. Wow, good for me!
But (there’s always a but and this one made sense) if I did wish to settle down, then this was it. The only age when hitching my wagon to someone else’s would make any sense. Her reasons, are of course, the usual ones: ‘My clock’s ticking’, ‘All the good guys will be gone’ and ‘you need someone to grow old with’.
I, who can’t even commit to a 3-month subscription plan, was never convinced.
I blame my privilege for my nonchalance. And possibly, my education.
My parents raised me to be fiercely independent. My grandparents, leading by example, taught me that being financially self-sufficient had to always come first. The books that I loved more than life itself gave me idealistic female role models to look up to. And the American movies and television I binge watched made me believe that it was okay to be alone and only love yourself, till you found someone who could love you for who you were.
But then, As inevitably as the sun rising, Indian society happened.
You know what drove me to consider this dreaded decision the very first time? La La Land.Â
Desperate to watch the movie + crazy work hours + no company =Â watching the movie in the theatre ALONE.
I’ve often come across people who say choosing to watch a movie alone is an experience worth relishing. I call BS. I was constantly stared at by middle-aged folks munching on their popcorn, judged by couples who held hands when City of Stars played, and I spent all of the interval pretend-talking on my phone. Why? Because I didn’t want to appear sad and lonely.
When I told my friends what I had done, even they mocked me. Endearingly, of course, so as not to hurt my sentiments. But in there heads, they were thanking their stars that they had found someone and finding a fault in mine.
And in that very auto ride back home from the theatre, it came to me: If I was married now, my spouse would be morally obligated to join me for every movie I wanted to watch. In fact, this was just the tip of the iceberg of inconveniences I would be melting off with just one simple decision: getting married. Eureka!
I imagined a world where I didn’t have to beg every friend on my contact list to accompany me for activities that I was interested in at a time convenient to ME. This freedom would be so convenient. But was it worth giving up my single status for?
I mulled over this ‘epiphany’ in my head for a while. And finally, I made a list of everyday situations in my life that would undergo a vast improvement if I were to get married.
1. My deadlines would go poof. Wise old relatives have said “Get married and you can stay out as long as you want with your husband”. Even if he doesn’t tag along for my plans, I know there’ll be someone to drive me home on those late nights.
2. ‘Mah House Mah Rulzz’ Phenomenon: My mother gets her way because it is her house. Which means when I get married and build a home of my own, I get to be the rule maker.
3. A husband who’s here to stay keeps the fuckboys away. Guilt-free sex is like the gift horse you don’t want to look in the mouth.
4. Someone to split the food bill and other expenses with would be nice. Also, did you know people judge a girl who orders a 12 inch pizza for herself? SMH!
5. Netflix and Chill will actually involve watching television for a change.
6. Someone to kiss at midnight for every New Year’s Eve. It also means I’ll ALWAYS have plans. And even if I don’t, I won’t be alone in my lack of plans!
7. Guaranteed travel buddy. I’ll always have someone to explore the world with. And believe me, double occupancy comes out way cheaper than solo travel.
8. My career’s almost peaked. I’ve found what I love doing so now what’s next? Where’s my next adventure? Why not try shaadi?
I didn’t even have to round’em up to realise, this age-old misogynistic tradition of marriage that usually tends to limit a woman’s freedom could actually set me free.
Were my motivations wrong? Okay maybe. Was I expecting too much from my future husband and in-laws? Definitely. But would the society let me stay happy and comfortable with my singlehood? Obviously not.
This basically leaves me with two choices: Either I steel myself to face a lifetime of snubs and jibes for being unmarried and alone or I follow the norm.
It took a while to finally make the decision that I would follow the norm. But if I was going to do it, I would like to do it on my terms! And hey, whatever rows your boat, right?
My reasons for marriage may not be what you’d deem appropriate. Although, if I were to speak millennial lingo, they’re sure as hell ‘legit’!