In several parts of the world, divorce is seen as a failure. More often than not, it is the woman who is blamed for not being able to glue her family together and making the marriage work. Hence, a large number of women are stigmatized and suffer from social isolation. They are seen as the ‘bad women’; a problem and a negative influence on families and children.
Taking to Reddit, one woman narrated how her marriage ended up in divorce. Long story short, she gave up her career to support that of her husband’s, shifted to the US, had to depend on him financially as visa issues caused her to remain unemployed and thereby, causing their marriage to turn bitter.
When it was time for her visa to get renewed, her husband submitted the documents late. This caused her to return back to India as her visa wasn’t renewed on time. After coming back, her husband became incommunicado, eventually leading her to file for divorce.
“I was forced to move back to India and to my devastation, my ex-husband went no contact. After spending months trying to email him and reach him, I filed for an ex-parte divorce in 2008,” she wrote.
However, it was after her divorce that her family, even her mother started to alienate her. From not being invited to family gatherings to being kept out of family WhatsApp groups, it is heartbreaking to see how the woman was treated, just because she chose to move out of an unhappy marriage.
“I’ve seen a noticeable difference in how I am treated by my extended family, and even my own mother. I am subtly sidelined in family gatherings, and extended family often ‘forgets’ to invite me. My sibling and his family is personally invited, but somehow folks have a sudden loss of memory when it comes to me.”
Even after she remarried, the stigma didn’t get erased. It’s like it got worse.
“I remarried a few years ago and hoped that my remarriage would erase the stigma. To my chagrin, that hasn’t happened. I regularly learn of family gatherings, where not one of my fifty-strong extended family remembers to invite me. I am left out of family What’s App groups and Zoom calls. These people have known me from babyhood, but a traumatic life event like divorce is all it takes to realise how fickle, an impressionable and judgemental close family can be. None of these people have ever asked me, to my face, about the details of my divorce. Yet, the ostracism and erasure are almost complete. I often ask myself why this is so.”
Have a look at her full post here:
However, she found support from innumerable people on Reddit. Many lauded her for her brave move and assured her that it is better to just let go of people who can’t be empathetic.
Be strong, girl.