Urinals are like banks. The business to be done in there is very important, but you cannot really stay back and chat and chill out.
Also, urinals are public spaces. You are doing your private business, but it is a shared place with other people conducting their businesses too. You have to take their personal space into consideration too, just like in any public space.
You cannot be selfish and just go about the place like it is your personal bathroom. It isn’t. The other guy has to suffer the effects of your sins if you do something bad.
Hence, we came up with the following rules to follow to make the experience better for all the brothers in there.
1. Please do not be a Ninja and scare people who are already peeing
Guys are usually lost in their manly thoughts even while peeing. Do NOT startle them by suddenly appearing alongside them. Cough or whistle once or open the door noisily. Just do not startle. The flow is disturbed.
2. And no peeking please!
Keep a space between yourself and the other brother who is going about his business. If there is no space, wait for a few minutes. And please do not compare your “masculinity” with the other person’s. The partition is there for a reason.
3. No body contact. AT ALL.
No slapping the other person’s back because he cracked a hilarious joke or touch other people in any way. It is absolutely unhygienic. And not to mention creepy.
4. Keep your views to yourself WHILE peeing
For some people, peeing requires peace, and for some, it requires focus too. Please do not crib about the state of national affairs and your pitiful girlfriend. We get it, you need the bro banter, but go for it AFTER you have left the washroom.
5. Proper positioning is a must
Do not stand too far behind and flood the floor beneath. Do not lean on the partitions and please, for god’s sake, do not pull your pants down to pee. Yes! People actually do that!
6. Take aim, and then fire
Yes, sometimes it goes haywire. It just doesn’t listen to you. But keep it inside the urinal pot. Do not act like the police with water cannons showering the whole place with fluid. It forms those disgusting puddles the other brothers have to step into afterwards.
7. I do not even need to tell this
Actually, I do. Not all the urinals have flushes in India and need to be flushed. Please keep the next person in mind. If the flush is not working, inform the next guy. Don’t just slink away stealthily.
8. Get it over with as quickly as possible
It’s a washroom, not a lounge where you sit in the sofas and drink your whiskey and read a magazine. People take all the time in the world to wash their faces, comb their hair and then wait for their hair to dry. This holds up the people waiting to wash their hands. Just finish your business as quickly as possible.
9. No vandalism, please
Clean tiles look awesome. And no, we do not call the number that you have written on there who will give us “a good time”. Also, badly made nude female drawings do not give us a boner. Don’t do it.
10. Cut the calls!
Or silence them, if you cannot cut them. Just don’t talk to your girlfriend while peeing. Remember, there are others around peeing too. It gets super awkward when you are baby-talking to your girlfriend loudly.
11. Do NOT clog the urinal pots
Chewing gums, cinema tickets and shopping bills should be disposed of in the trash bin. The urinals get clogged and then it becomes a disgusting mess with the horrid smell and all that. Imagine what the cleaning guy has to go through later that day.
Happy peeing!