In numerous Indian households, the transition for newlywed couples is filled with a lack of privacy, oppressing their sense of autonomy and comfort. Mothers-in-law and sisters-in-law often intrude upon the couple’s personal space, barging into bedrooms unannounced and rummaging through the bride’s belongings without regard for her privacy. Restrictions on locking doors or wardrobes exacerbate the situation, leaving the bride feeling suffocated and disempowered within her own home.
The same is the case with a 30-year-old newlywed woman living in Delhi who took to Reddit to share her enraging experience of living with her in-laws. She is recently married and issues started a couple of days after she moved into her in-law’s home. She shared this one incident where she and her husband went out for dinner and her father-in-law gave an earful to her husband, making him promise that they wouldn’t eat outside anymore.
“After 15 days of our marriage when I asked my husband to take me out for dinner because I didn’t feel like eating at home. We went to a nearby place and after 15 mins his father called and my husband started crying after hearing what he said. The last sentence which I heard from his mouth was ‘thik hai papa abse nhi jainge’,” she wrote.
She then revealed how her mother-in-law and sister-in-law do not give her any space, nor respect her privacy.
“After some days my MIL raised this concern in an argument saying, I am selfish and I think about only myself, I should have asked everyone because in their culture ( Himachal-karkoh) these things don’t happen. She never knocks on the gate, in fact, sister-in-law also behaves like this only. No one knocks on my gate and they raise objections when I lock the door in the absence of my husband.”
She apparently isn’t allowed to go to her maternal home, her mother-in-law opens her wardrobe and bed boxes whenever she wants.
“They don’t let me go to my mother’s place saying that it will become a habit and I won’t be able to settle here. The in-built almirah of my room, she enters whenever she wants and opens the almirah using the excuse that she’s taking my husband’s clothes. I don’t have any privacy at all. She opens my bed boxes and everything. I really don’t know what to do.”
She asked people online for advice on what she should do. Have a look at her full post here:
F(30) Mother in law breaching my privacy. Need help.
byu/Obvious-Focus-3181 indelhi
Most people online gave her one solution, which is the ultimate of them all – financial independence. When a woman is financially independent, she can move out of such toxic homes, and take care of her parents and her own needs. The minute she becomes dependent on someone else, she is required to compromise on several basic levels, some of which should never be tolerated.
Here’s what people advised her:
Comment
byu/Obvious-Focus-3181 from discussion
indelhi
Comment
byu/Obvious-Focus-3181 from discussion
indelhi
Comment
byu/Obvious-Focus-3181 from discussion
indelhi
Comment
byu/Obvious-Focus-3181 from discussion
indelhi
Comment
byu/Obvious-Focus-3181 from discussion
indelhi
Comment
byu/Obvious-Focus-3181 from discussion
indelhi
Comment
byu/Obvious-Focus-3181 from discussion
indelhi
What would you advise her?