Masturbation itself was a myth in school, everyone denied doing it in public but did all the gossiping about it excitedly with their friends. Along with it came the myths. Myths and masturbation went hand in hand at that time. For every interesting fact you heard about masturbation, you heard a myth that made you re-think about your night before, and left you in terror for the rest of the day.
I compiled some of these myths about masturbation, all of them are pretty shitty and made my life hell. Take a look.
1. You will remain short/ you will never grow taller
This makes so much sense in Tyrion Lannister’s case, but in real life, can you imagine? The whole world would have been full of short people.
2. You will lose all your hair
How does one even….
3. You will grow hair at all the wrong places
The wrong places being your palms, your back, the back of your neck, your butt, etc.
In short, you become a cross between Mogambo and Anil Kapoor.
4. You will become an idiot/you will become stupid
Looking at everyone around me in this world I have a feeling this is not a myth.
5. You will never have kids later in your life
Why do we even have vasectomies? Jut tell the guy, “OK, masturbate 4 times in a day, for three weeks. Guaranteed, no kids forever!”
6. Masturbation causes pimples
This was the most famous one. Every guy with a pimple would get so defensive!
“I swear I was doing my English homework!”
“Pfft. Like anyone ever does their English homework, Brian! Stop jacking off every hour!”
And God forbid he gets another pimple the day after. He will get hell.
7. You will start forgetting things
“Doctor, I just had a breakup”
“Just go and masturbate, you will get over her.”
Oh wait, people actually do this. Shiiiiiiiit.
8. You will end up with a very small penis
That explains it all….
9. You will end up with a giant penis, and it will never stop growing
Every guy would end up carrying an extra 10 kilos between his legs except for Brian, wouldn’t he?
10. Masturbation causes AIDS
It started in Africa.
We got it through the apes, when they taught us masturbation.
That’s why it’s so widespread. Figures.
Makes complete fucking sense, doesn’t it?
11. You will turn to be gay
Okay, in all seriousness, I was a teen at the time when gay was a cuss word that was used to hurt people. And being gay was a taboo.
So, yeah, it makes sense to relate masturbation to being gay.
12. You waste all the “fluid” and you will have nothing left for later life
Like freshwater resources of this planet, you are wasting your “precious fluid” every time you do it.
Well, if this was true, I have a Pacific ocean in my testicles. Yeah.
Did you come across such bullshit about self-love in your school days? Share it with us. If we find something new and interesting, we will add to this list and make fun of it.