10 ‘Heavily Guarded’ Guy Secrets That Girls Don’t Know

Ok, the bro-code has been broken. Because, I’m going to reveal some heavily guarded guy secrets. Why? Because enough of secrecy, the girls too deserve to know.

If you don’t relate to any of these points, then there are only two possibilities:

1. You’re Superman (Even Superman has problem #1, btw)
2. You’re not a man reading this.

But hey, I’m a man, so I bet you’ll be able to relate. Girls, make note, learn, say things like, “Oh, wow…aisa bhi hota hai” and make merry because the struggle is real.

1. Unable to grow a beard or a stubble

That’s right. Some of us just can’t grow a beard. We’ve put shaving cream & run razors on our skin a thousand times hoping that the mysterious beard will sprout & we’ll be able to sport a badass stubble. Not happening.

 

2. A good guy at heart, respects women, but becomes uneasy while talking to girls

Most of us are good guys at heart & are way way better than the outgoing flirty guy you’re dating now. Just one problem: We’re a little fattu when it comes to facing women. We’re learning. Takes time. So wait for me. Damn, already taken. 🙁

 

3. Skinny arms, round belly

That’s called the skinny-fat problem, ladies. You’re skinny (at places you need muscles) and fat (at places where you need some toned-ness). FML.

 

4. That brings us to this: unable to lift weights at gym, inferiority complex, so does cardio instead

Any guy who has ever tried pull-ups will understand and cry himself to sleep. I can run like a chicken on the treadmill, but when it comes to lifting weights, most of us are like, “Ok..that hot girl is looking, jai bajrang bali”, and the rest is history.

 

5. Sometimes, the boner has nothing to do with anything. It’s random

Trust me, it takes 15 seconds of deep meditation and self-talking for the ‘thing’ to calm down and then get up from the chair. And did I talk about peeing with a boner? Nope. Better not. Thinking about it makes me uneasy.

 

6. This

This is imminent. Let’s face it by praying that we end up as sexy as Bruce Willis.

 

7. Tattoos

Why tattoos? Because we’re always in a dilemma whether to ink our chicken legs or chicken arms? Let me go to the gym first, build biceps & then get it done. Now read point #4. FML, yet again.

 

8. Public toilets – Is the other guy checking my ‘thing’? Bolo bolo..

So ladies, you gotta understand this correctly: the struggle to stare straight & control your eyes from looking left/right is hard when you gotta keep a check on the left/right guy. I mean, what if they’re checking my ‘thing’? They generally don’t, but hey, I’m not taking the risk.

 

9. Unrealistic expectation set by porn. And we can’t even fake it

I can’t whitewash a 3 BHK room. And I’ve biological limits to my orgasm. That black dude has done some enlargement surgery. I don’t need that. Do you?

 

10. And lastly, sitting on a tortoise the whole day

Lastly, our wallet generally resides in our right pant pockets & our butt pains after sitting on it for a whole day. Why? Coz it’s shaped like a kachua (tortoise) from all the credit cards, driving license, registration cards, PUC, faaltu bills, ATM notes, cash, coins (Rs. 5 and Rs. 10) and what not.

So, the struggle is real. But who’s complaining.

We rock being men. Now, time to hit the gym. (Aaj upper-body day hai, fuckkk.)

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