Barney Stinson’s 7 Theories That We Can Actually Apply In Real Life

For all you How I Met Your Mother fans, we’ve got you a compilation of Barney approved theories that you can use in your life. I’ll admit some of them are way too out there, but then there are those rare gold gems of advice that might excite you and work in your favour.

Let’s call this Barney’s Art of Living if you will,

1. The Hot- Crazy Scale

Explanation: A girl/guy is allowed to be as crazy as they are hot. The person should be equal amounts of hot to cover up the crazy.

Application: The application of said theory varies according to your tolerance level. If you’re girlfriend checks your call log, Whatsapp and Facebook messages but she’s super hot and way out of your league, then you may let it pass. However if she turns up unexpectedly at your doorstep and introduces herself to your parents as their future daughter in law, then the bitch has got to go.

 

2. The Platinum Rule

Explanations: Never date a person you see on a regular basis. For example, Barney and Wendy the waitress, Robin and her co-worker, Lily and Marshall and their next door neighbours and Ted and Stella, his dermatologist.

Application: If you do engage in a relationship with say a coworker, the following stages will define your relationship.

Attraction: When you first see your new co-worker walk into office, hot as all hell

Bargaining: When you weigh the pros and cons, by only really looking at the pros. He’s nice, he’s smart, he’s available, he could be my soulmate.

Submission: When you toss all the contemplation aside and ask him/ her out.

Perks: You start thinking what a good decision it was, because of the endless perks. You get to eat lunch together everyday, you know who he mingles with and you always have someone to get afterwork drinks with.

Tipping Point: When all hell is about to break lose. When he/she walks up to you and asks you if you were really in a meeting or just making eyes at the guy from the Finance department.

Purgatory: When you realize you’ve got yourself in a huge mess and there is no escape. He’s all over the place, sending you calendar requests, planning your weeky-versay and contemplating what to dress up as on your office fancy dress event. In other words, you know you’re screwed.

Confrontation: The break-up. So you finally gather the courage to end this vicious cycle and have ‘The Talk’. In every other relationship, this would be the end and you’d probably not see them again, but not in the platinum rule

Fall Out: This person is still everywhere and now it’s ten times more uncomfortable! So now you have to see him/her dealing with the break up in public. Making snide comments with other co-workers to spite you, weeping infront of your superiors, leaving mean notes on your desk.

Co-Existence: Once everything is over and a considerable amount of time has passed, you fall into an acquaintance like relationship with this person. No more hate, no more love, just co-existence.

 

3. The Mermaid Theory

Explanation: It’s a woman’s mermaid clock. It’s basically the time it takes a man to realize he’s attracted to a woman, who he has a platonic relationship with. The mermaid clock is always ticking.

Application: When a girl, maybe your girlfriend’s best friend or your childhood friend, suddenly starts to look hot rather than just her normal self. It’s not because of a makeover or a new dress, just because her mermaid clock has come to an alarming conclusion.

 

4. The Chain of Screaming

Explanation: The chain/pyramid/circle of screaming is the necessity to scream at another person when you have been screamed at, by an authority figure.

Application: Your boss screams at you, you scream at your sister/brother, they scream at their friends, their friend screams at their granddad, who happens to be your boss. Thus concluding the circle of screaming. Once you are screamed at, the screaming energy needs to be transferred onto someone else, in order to rid yourself of the frustration you feel.

 

5. The International Date Line

Explanation: Is it a date or is it not a date? There are certain signals that can tip a meeting towards date or not a date. The meeting keeps tipping one way or another until the end of the date, when the big reveal comes.

Application: If a girl keeps the meeting in the friendzone, talking about general stuff, not getting too personal, casually dropping her boyfriend’s name then you will find yourself in the red ‘not a date’ zone. However if she flirts with you, flicks her hair and touches your arm, you my friend are in the green ‘date’ zone.

 

6. The Lemon Law

Explanation: The first five minutes of the date determine if you want to stick around for the rest of the date or not. If the first five minutes aren’t promising, then you can leave with no hard feelings or consequence.

Application: If you meet a man who won’t stop talking about his muscles, hates the idea of commitment or disrespects women, then just walk away by saying ‘You’ve been lemon lawed’. It’s simple, saves us a lot of time and effort.

 

7. The Freeway Theory

Explanation: A relationship is like a freeway. It has various exists and you can pick and choose your exit.

Applications: One night stand is the first 8 hour exit. Followed by 4 days when you’re contemplating whether it’s a good idea to make this official. The next is a 3 week exit, when you’ve dated long enough to know that you’ll aren’t meant to even go on a vacation, forget spending a lifetime together. Then comes the 7 month, honeymoon is over, exit. The 18 months, we love each other but we don’t fundamentally fit or have no future together, exit. The next one is divorce after 18 years of togetherness and the last one is till death do us apart.

So let’s bring out our inner Barney and give these a shot! Let us know how that works out for you, in the comments 🙂

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