The wedding season is here and looking at the grandeur of the festivity, one can easily guess that the Indian wedding industry is one of the biggest in the world. But not just the gloriousness, the traditions and customs also make desi weddings unique.
Having said that, there are some customs that are not just ancient but allegedly regressive too. ‘Kanyadaan’ is one such practice that has been called out by modern society multiple times.
The practice of treating women as commodities and then being “donated” to the groom by the bride’s parents is so problematic that many just want to get rid of this tradition.
Taking to Twitter, a woman who goes by the username @keepsitrustic shared that neither she nor her parents indulged in ‘Kanyadaan’ during her wedding.
This, however, also lead to the meltdown of the rishtedaars and the people of her community who attended her wedding.
Had no kanyadaan at my wedding. No transfer of girl from one ancestry to another. My mom and dad refused to do all the BS.
The collective meltdown of the rest of the marwaris has been gorgeous to witness.
— seething and growing (@keepsitrustic) December 7, 2022
She also gave a shout-out to her husband who refused to listen to anyone else and went ahead with what his wife-to-be and her family wanted.
Also the hugest shout out to my husband because when his pandit ji asked why not do it he refused to listen and just told him to listen to us. If there was a way to fall more for him, I would have. I kinda did.
— seething and growing (@keepsitrustic) December 7, 2022
Interestingly, they also didn’t go ahead with all the rituals and tweaked them as per their will.
Nope. Just did sindoor and pheras. Pandit ji tried vachans, dad said no. 😅
— seething and growing (@keepsitrustic) December 7, 2022
On hearing that the bride didn’t partake in the custom that is deemed ‘important’ in desi weddings, I know a lot of people would feel uncomfortable to the extent of shaming her.
However, there were scores of people online who lauded her bravery for not going ahead with this unprogressive age-old practice.
My sister and I also didn’t do kanyadaan. Lots of annoyed relatives 😂
— Mahima Kukreja (@AGirlOfHerWords) December 7, 2022
Their wedding, their rules.
— Abhishek Mukherjee (@ovshake42) December 7, 2022
Glad you went for what made you both comfortable! Traditional, modern, hybrid, none – doesn’t matter. What matters is the shared values, trust and togetherness you will carry on with.
— Vijaya Moorthy (@vmoorthynow) December 7, 2022
I wish this was more and more normalised. 🙁
It’s insulting and disrespectful to any self respecting woman. Such practices. 🤦🏻♀️— Jahnavi (@Jahnavi09) December 7, 2022
Good job. Hats off to you, your hubby and your family. Congratulations! I would have loved to see those marwaris going into deep anxiety. 😂
— #SheIsNotSafe 😠 (@Taltos2020) December 7, 2022
You go girl. Scrolled through your TL. You’re rare breed. 💕👊
— Girish Miglani (@girishmiglani) December 7, 2022
That’s absolutely fantastic, you’ve moved away from child marriage norms to those of two an adult partnership. Most of us older people didn’t know the meaning behind the rituals and just got led into them
— Shobna S. Iyer (@shobnasi) December 8, 2022
So brave and stunning kween 👏, btw if you don’t believe in rituals and traditions why didn’t you opt out of the whole Hindu marriage thing and get a court marriage? Why waste money and time of your relatives? Or was it all about being the feminist kween that you are?
— Mr Melancholy (@chakravartiin) December 7, 2022
as a fellow marwadi, i gotta salute you for this bravery
— garlicbutter (@fryfrenchmonste) December 7, 2022
Kuch toh log kahenge logo ka kaam hai kehna 😂
Let them be. You enjoy. Have a great married life ahead 😊— अतरंगी सी एक लड़की (@Merakisoul007) December 7, 2022
Someone tried to explain what ‘Kanyadaan’ means:
Kanyadaan is not a term to be taken in it’s literal meaning. It is not “daan” of the bride per se-meaning I transfer the responsibility of care of my daughter to you.Even Christian weddings have the “giving away”of bride
Why didn’t you get a civil marriage done and finish it off— 🇮🇳Mohini🇮🇳 (@mohini23451) December 7, 2022
Some also suggested that they could have gone for a civil wedding rather than manipulating the customs. I would say, to each his own!