We’ve all thought of what superpower we’d have, if we were ever hit by a meteor or otherwise, but have you thought about the superhero capabilities of your favourite sitcom stars? Well let me tell you something, they are pretty kickass. And believe me if they ever came together avengers style, they’d make one hell of a team.
Here’s what Avengers of the TV series would look like.
1. Ted: Human Encyclopedia.
He’d be the 21st century Yoda, with answers to everything. In his case, super villains would be those who say ‘Wanna do fraaandshiip wid maaa awesum self?’. Each time he hears a mispronounced ‘here’ from Delhi, he’d come rushing in and save the day.
2. Lily: The Soulstress.
She’d have the power to look into your soul and control your mind. She’d put her poop sniffing and telepathy skills to good use and sniff out bad decisions everywhere. So each time you think ‘Hey, I think I’m going to call my ex, she’ll swoop right in!
3. Marshall: Slapman.
Marshall after his extensive training to achieve ‘The Slap Of A Million Exploding Suns’, he’s emerged as Slapman. When Marshall slaps the super villains, it makes them go weak in their knees and fall to the floor as he slam-dunks to celebrate his big win! He’s the best slapster around which is why…
Soultress and the Slapman
They come together to fight evil, broken hearts and hate. So if you’re thinking ‘Hey, it’s okay if I go back to his place on the first date, The Soulstress will sense your bad decision making and Slapman will slap you like the wind, with his Super Velocity Mega Slap and knock some sense into you, albeit a few teeth might be knocked out in the process.
4. Ross: Rossasaurus.
He’s the master of Dinosaurs. He’d be able to usher one with a snap of his fingers, to take you away in case you tell him that Rachel and he were not on a break. He’d use Unagi to sense you coming and dangle his Dinos in your face.
5. Joey: The Foodinator
He’d have the superpower of turning everything he touches into food. So kind of like the Midas touch but only in the food section. So if you want some sausages, all you need to do is say the secret anthem ‘Joey, doesn’t share food’. He’d come running and turn some no good drained AA batteries into sausages. Say bye-bye to famine.
6. Barney: Lighting Barney
He’d run like his ass was on fire, just like the time Ted was in the hospital, or all those times when he successfully ran away from every single hookup as soon as the first ray of dawn broke. He’d create a tornado around him and shock the super villains. Who are these super villains you ask? Those are the men in bars who don’t suit up or the guys who don’t abide by the bro code. If you’ve put a who before a bro, then he’s going to sweep you away, and not in a good way.
7. Chandler: Â Human Torch
He and only he has enough power to burn super villains with his sarcasm. He doesn’t need any batmobile, all he needs is his childhood issues and we’re good to go.
8. Phoebe: Guitar Woman.
She has the ability to alter emotions and moods based on her powerful guitaring skills. So when she uses her super guitar, you’ll forget how annoyed you were at your roommate for eating your food or at your colleague for discovering an old Facebook picture. She’ll control your emotions at the tip of her pick.
9. Claire: SuperMom
She’d sense when you don’t drink your milk, eat your almonds and when you come home after curfew. Then all she’d have to do is give you her super crazy stare that will make you clean your room, eat your vegetables and do your homework in an instant.
10. Phil: Geek-a-tron
He’s the perfect person to control the Geek army. So everything from Stormtroopers to the robot in the Robin Sparkles video or the ones used in Rajinikanth’s movie will be solely controlled by him. He’d send them to your rescue when your wife needs you to clean the house for Diwali and you can’t get your ass off your couch.
11. Hailey: Hailey Godmother
Her super power mode kicks in when she sees a poorly dressed human being. She quickly draws out her magic lipstick and dresses them up in the latest designer wear. If you’re wearing a shirt that has colaba/sarojini market written all over it, be very careful.
12. Gloria: Male Puppeteer.
Her sexiness coupled with her dangerous upbringing makes her perfect for just this exact super power. She has the ability to control male minds worldwide, so if your boyfriend refuses to go on a double date with your slightly annoying friend and her better half, all you need to do is summon the Male Puppeteer, she can talk them into doing anything.
13. Joffrey: Hate Generator
He has the sole ability to generate hatred in everyone and everything, just by the mere act of existing. So unless you wish to poison him too, stir clear of this Superhuman. The real question is, will he learn his lesson and use his powers for the good?
14. Mrs. Wolowitz (Howard’s mother): Mrs Invisibility
She’s a superhero of epic proportions. She sees everything, hears everything and the best part is that she isn’t ever physically present. Or is she? She would be the invisible hoverer everyone is scared of. She’d be there to hear your loudest fart, the worst burp, see the grossest hangover.
15. Harvey Specter: Shielder Spector
He’s the guy with a huge shield that protects everyone and everything around him. He’s the guy you should run to when you see Joffrey coming at you. He’ll make sure you’re safe as can be, no matter who you are. He’d be our very own saviour.
16. Donna: Jugaad Queen
She is awesome sauce when it comes to knowing everything and anything. But what’s better is that she can get you what you want without you even telling her what it exactly is. If one day you find yourself looking for a specific edition of Channel 5, you know who to remember. After all, Donna knows everything.
17. Alan Harper: Super Moocher
If living off of someone was a super power..? Guess what. It is. And Alan Harper is the king! If ever you find yourself looking for some extra cash or being showered with material things, meet Alan. All he has to do is sprinkle some mooching dust on you and you’ll be good to go.
18. Raj: Woman Repeller
If you’re too swamped with girls and can’t seem to get them off your backs then get Raj to do it for you. He has the ability to repel every woman, even one who might be slightly interested. He just has to do some science voodoo and you’ll be single for as long as you like.
Which superpower would you want for yourself?