Being single is not an easy feat. All those articles about the high and mighty single life, seem very questionable, especially when you make the mistake of dating again. You might start sourcing the dating pool at a bar or even on Tinder, but always remember, creeps come in heaps and bounds. They creep up next to you when you’re not looking, they message you when you’re privacy settings are wonky, they poke you on Facebook, they direct message you on Instagram and they follow you on Twitter.
These are the creeps you can identify, but what about those that you can’t screen, until you meet them? Those are the ones that will make you want to curl back into your quilt and stay there until the real apocalypse arrives (Not like 2012).
Here are 10 types of creeps you will encounter between Singledom and Make Your Own Bradley Cooper stage.
1. The guy who always looks at your boobs.
This is the dude who makes conversation with your breasts, without so much as a glance at your face. He’s like the Monalisa of creeps, no matter where you are, you can sense his eyes following your nipples.
2. The guy who says “Why do you need to work? You’re pretty enough to get a rich boy”.
Ummm, offense level: Infinity. Sexist MOFO at his best.
3. The guy who inappropriately suggests going home together, 5 mins into the date.
If you thought this date is going THAT well in 5 minutes, then you clearly are on a wayyyyyy different date than I am.
4. The guy who won’t shut up about his work.
We get it, being the person who’s job it is to count change at the Toll Naka, your day must be ‘cray cray’. But please, spare us the details.
5. The guy who says ‘ Attending Tanu’s wedding along with Ritu’s birthday, that too when Sheela is in the hospital must be crazy.’
All you can think is ‘I don’t how he knows my Masi, childhood best friend that I haven’t seen in years and my great grand mother, but i sure don’t want to stick around to find out.
6. The guy who eats lunch on your coffee date and forgets his wallet.
We women don’t want someone who pays for us, but we’d sure appreciate it if you could SPLIT the bill! Especially when you invited US out to this very pricey place and packed YOURSELF a doggy bag. Just saying.
7. The guy who brings his mother as a plus one on your date
‘ What are your marriage plans?’, ‘Are you Mangalik?’, ‘Do you plan to live with our Bunty alone, away from me, or with our lovely small family of 12?’. No thank you aunty, you can have Bunty all to yourself. I’m good.
8. The guy who wears the same shirt as you.
Borrowing clothes from a potential boyfriend is not on the checklist, take him shopping instead to the FRIENDZONE.
9. The guy who asks ‘So, are you a virgin?’ as first date conversation.
Yes, you don’t know my surname, you don’t know whether I believe in spirits, you don’t know what I study but it’s essential for you to know about the status of my hymen. Bravo. Winning at dating.
10. The guy who calls, emails, messages on all forms of social media 2 minutes after the date.
This dude spams you like crazy. He leaves no form of communication unused. He even sends you candy crush requests to make his presence felt. He passes by your building to catch a glimpse of you. if one date turned him into Rahul from Darr, then you don’t need to wait for the rest.