During the pandemic, we’ve been limiting our grocery runs and buying in bulk so that we have to go out less. This seems like a logical thing to do, right? What could possibly go wrong? According to writer Shiv Ramdas, a lot. He live-tweeted an incident where his brother-in-law accidentally ended up ordering a lorry-full of rice and angered his wife. He tried to bribe the lorry driver and call the warehouse owner to take back the rice but failed. Here’s how it all began:
OMG my brother in law, the gift that never stops giving, was tired of being sent to get rice every day so he decided buy in bulk, talked to the shop about it, wires got crossed, now there is a literal TRUCK FILLED WITH RICE outside the house and my sister is losing her shit lmfao
— Shiv Ramdas (@nameshiv) September 3, 2020
Update to Drama: BIL had come in to explain that driver insists they'll have to take the rice(and pay) but midway through thouht better of it and is now negotiating with driver again. An excellent demonstration of the flight instinct in mammals when confronted with mortal peril
— Shiv Ramdas (@nameshiv) September 3, 2020
His running commentary (despite being at a different location) on the situation has gone viral and is reminding us of Murphy’s law “Anything that can go wrong will go wrong”. Here’s bribery attempt part two.
Update: BIL is making headway. Lorry driver and helper have accepted cigarettes from him. Negotiations have resumed while all 3 smoke.
— Shiv Ramdas (@nameshiv) September 3, 2020
Key Update: Cigarettes were in fact a huge strategic blunder because BIL apparently assured sis that he's definitely finally quit smoking on Sunday and in no way shape or form was supposed to have packs of cigs just there in pocket ready to be used as negotiating aid.
— Shiv Ramdas (@nameshiv) September 3, 2020
Enter mysterious saviour, whose name is Manu. He spoke to all parties on the phone and after a lot of back and forth, has decided to show up in person.
BIL Update: Warehouse Owner still not taking calls but they have reached some chappu of his who told them to call someone called Manu, he'll take care of it. Thats all we know about him. He's Manu, this his number and he'll take care of it. He is the Mr Wolf of warehouse cockups
— Shiv Ramdas (@nameshiv) September 3, 2020
BREAKING NEWS: Manu Is Coming
— Shiv Ramdas (@nameshiv) September 3, 2020
Since I know I cared about this and was wondering, Manu kinda looks disappointingly average. He's just normal, random desi uncle in shirt pant. Sad!
— Shiv Ramdas (@nameshiv) September 3, 2020
Will he be able to sort out this mess or won’t he? So much suspense.
Apparently compromise is that if BIL buys some sacks of rice* and then Manu will make the rest just go away.
*Number under negotiation
— Shiv Ramdas (@nameshiv) September 3, 2020
After a series of proposals, counter-proposals and bottles of alcohol offered as a bribe, a compromise was reached. The brother-in-law has to keep 23 bags of rice but wait, his troubles aren’t over yet.
Final terms: 23 bags, one bottle Old Monk, one bottle scotch*. Everyone is exhausted.
* Lorry driver is the best fucking negotiator of the lot
— Shiv Ramdas (@nameshiv) September 3, 2020
OK, bags have finally been unloaded. BIL is now tipping lorry driver and helper. Helper also wants a bottle of Old Monk, BIL is so broken he just said OK sadly and went in to get it.
— Shiv Ramdas (@nameshiv) September 3, 2020
You see, BIL has just realised he was caught with cigarettes. He seems much less eager to go in than 10 seconds ago.
— Shiv Ramdas (@nameshiv) September 3, 2020
People are now calling it the best short story of the year due to the riveting narration.
MY GOD, THIS THREAD.
The highs! The lows! The plot twists and betrayals! https://t.co/2BF72FcNMR
— Iron Spike (@Iron_Spike) September 3, 2020
A Song of Rice and Ire https://t.co/BWB0JizdtT
— Hannah Rose Woods (@hannahrosewoods) September 3, 2020
This story is AMAAAAAZING.
Seriously. Just when you think it cannot get funnier or wilder the next tweet comes along. Every other tweet has me crying. https://t.co/VeLxASGeAB
— K Tempest #WakandaForever Bradford (@tinytempest) September 3, 2020
Ok then, rajma or arhar daal! Which truck is he ordering next? https://t.co/Mn21XNkxd5
— Medha Shri Dahiya (@medhashri) September 3, 2020
This is more entertaining than most 100 crore budget films. Hope the ending is more satisfying than @GameOfThrones finale! https://t.co/u2nKlDMdTx
— Arjun Krishnamurthy (@Arjun_K6) September 3, 2020
This story definitely deserves to be made into a short film, don’t you think?