I Am An Extrovert But Have Always Been Away From ‘Groups’. Here’s Why It’s Awesome!

Inclusion. Security. Assurance.

The most dangerous luxuries I have come across in my life. When I see people changing themselves to be a part of a ‘group’, I feel relieved that I’m not a part of one. Don’t get me wrong. I have a few very good friends whom I blindly trust and can lay my life for, and they would do the same. But that friendship took several years to grow deep, and we got to know each other to a very great extent.

Friendship is not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about pseudo relationships people get into just because they are afraid of being alone, or they panic when they don’t get acceptance from people around them.

When we move out of college or school or any other secure place, we feel alone. It’s inevitable. Even I felt extremely alone and vulnerable for a few months after my college got over. But that is when the real life starts.

 

Real life does not comprise of seeking validation from ‘friends’ and hanging out with them even if you don’t enjoy yourself. Real life is putting energy in self-growth, becoming independent (in the real sense) and learning to discover yourself.

Being comfortable in one’s own company is one of the greatest virtues one can have, but sadly no one seems to have it.

The pattern I have noticed is that as soon as someone gets comfortable around you and starts enjoying your company, or hang out with you a few times, they start demanding exclusivity, or some kind of ‘special treatment’. They’d expect you to treat them above others, share your personal information or chat with them on Messenger or WhatsApp all the time just because they want to make themselves believe that they are not alone anymore.

 

What people forget is that the relationship they are building is not because of a genuine feeling or a chemistry, it’s because of their insecurity of being left alone.

‘Exchange of information’ is not friendship. Gossiping together is not friendship. Reassuring each other by sending messages like ‘You mean the world to me. What would I do without you?’ with 0% sentiment attached to it is not friendship.

It’s a sham. A lie you are making yourself believe in.

I talked to several people who end up being out of ‘the group’ without even having a bad relationship with any of the ‘group members’ and all I could gather was that they didn’t do anything to make anyone upset or feel offended. They just didn’t go out of their way to make anyone feel secure. Be it their workplace, their hostel or their class.

 

When a group of real friends get together, they discuss ideas, or maybe their favourite movie or anything that matches their wavelength.

Real friends will not accept you only if you drink (even when you don’t want to), or carefully pick opinions which don’t offend them.

There are always conflicts in relationships. The point is how does the other person take it.

 

When you are making yourself a part of these pseudo-groups, you don’t realise that you are sitting on a time bomb. Because one day, the lie you have been making yourself believe in is going to break.

You think your ‘group’ cares for you when they don’t. They were with you just because they didn’t want to feel lonely, just like you.

 

Now as I mentioned in the beginning, let me tell you why it’s always for the better to be out of such groups.

1. You don’t have to compromise being who you are, or saying how you feel. You don’t have to kiss anyone’s ass and agree with someone on the outside when you clearly don’t on the inside.

 

2. The friends you will end up making at work/PG/or any other place will be because they appreciate you as a person. Not because you made them feel secure with fake ‘you are the best’ support slogans.

 

3. You will grow as a person because you will not need 10 people to back you up when you need to prove yourself.

 

4. You will learn to fight and prove yourself alone because, in the long run, we are all alone.

 

5. You won’t have any friends who backstabbed you because you chose to stay away from them!

 

6. You will become self-dependent when it will come to having fun. It is great having people to party with, but if they are not around, you won’t die of boredom!

 

7. There will be nothing holding you back. The dynamics of some pseudo groups become really ‘toxic’ sometimes with the intergroup division, jealousy etc. Yes, you might have to fight your battles alone sometimes, but you’ll be out of the politics.

When you get out of your comfort zone, people respect you for your calibre, your personality and your opinions. Not for your ability to show fake affection. It’s time to stop trying to please people and do what you think is right.

Always take a stand for yourself. Don’t worry, you won’t end up hurting anyone. The people who get offended by you having an opinion are not worth thinking about.

You will always have healthy relationships with people of sane approach and if you respect them, they’ll respect you too.

Until next time!

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