Many of us have grown up watching our mothers, grandmothers and other female members of the family working very hard, day and night, so that the household runs smoothly. From waking up early in the morning, cleaning the house, cooking for the entire family, attending to everyone’s needs and what not, innumerable women across the country go out of their way to make sure that every member of their families are well served.
However, life tends to teach you that the more you do, the more you are expected and made to do – which is unfair. The more a woman does chores around the house, the more responsibilities she is given to handle. Hence, a woman on Twitter composed a thread packed with advice for other women to follow once they move in with their in-laws.
Her main advice – avoid as much housework as possible.
Here's my protip for women about to move in with in-laws:
Avoid as much housework as possible
Here is why
— OhChiefestAndGreatestOfCalamities (@mustyoumustard) April 16, 2023
She went on to spit some hard yet generalised facts like no matter what someone says to you, your in-laws’ house isn’t ‘your’ house and you will have no say in any major or minor decision.
Its not your house. This is a fact no matter what anyone says to you. You will have no say in major or minor decisions like what to cook for dinner or where the furniture should be. In fact if you try to have an opinion youll probably step on some toes.
— OhChiefestAndGreatestOfCalamities (@mustyoumustard) April 16, 2023
Omg but my MIL is so old and frail
Okay so what was happening before you arrived?
Remember you’re not family. You will be at the bottom of any pile and the last to be taken into consideration. You may as well have mercy on yourself.
— OhChiefestAndGreatestOfCalamities (@mustyoumustard) April 16, 2023
She went on to advise other women to make as little effort as they can while performing housework. That’s how they won’t be burdened with more housework.
If you’re forced into doing housework do the worst job possible. Take as little time and make as little effort as possible.
— OhChiefestAndGreatestOfCalamities (@mustyoumustard) April 16, 2023
Also I know there’s a lot of guilt involved in not doing housework so heres a compromise. Do some light housework up until the first time someone in your in laws disrespects you and no one defends you. Use that rage to fuel increased behissy
— OhChiefestAndGreatestOfCalamities (@mustyoumustard) April 16, 2023
Many people online resonated with this thread and took to the comments section to reveal stories from their own families, especially of their mothers, who toiled hard every day without receiving a ‘thank you’ in return. Here’s a look at some of the responses:
For many desis, it’s only a daughter-in-law’s home when guests are coming, or cleaning and chores pending. Its never her home when choosing furniture, rearranging kitchen or furniture, or making decisions
The only time DiL get to choose what’s for dinner is when in-laws are away
— Rabioli (@queen7fold) April 16, 2023
Somehow agree on these points. Just set boundaries from day first. Don’t let them treat you as a free of cost housemaid, nurse of old parents caretaker of other family members while in turn you are getting no respect nor they would let you feel like home at all.
— … (@notayshaaa) April 16, 2023
True. I’ve seen in my close circle girls burdening themselves with work to get in their good books and now regretting it coz it didn’t work
— Ailurophile (@TheRoyalPaw) April 16, 2023
This is what happened to my mother no opinion respect nothing thank God my baba realized whats happening to her and pulled her out from all that situation and moved out in a seperate home but still it was very late thats why joint family system concept is discouraged in islam.
— Rabia. (@rabialmaooo) April 16, 2023
lived with my in laws for two years and my in laws were pretty tolerable BUT strongly second this opinion. DONT start working on your own, and Please don’t think they will be happy if you did something because if you skip one single day they will 4get everything you ever did.
— Mariam (@MariamReyadh) April 17, 2023
My mother in law is the nicest, but even then I don’t really hold any responsibility in the household. So I don’t get involved in housework because if someone wants to run something their way, I say let them. Less work for me, I have enough on my plate as a doctor with calls
— Rona Ryder⁷ ☀️🐿 (@mkposh) April 16, 2023
Become financially independent, hire maid to do your part of the work. Create boundaries from day one. If someone has to leave you they will if someone doesn’t they won’t. You becoming door Matt won’t influence anyone’s decision.
— U (@usrizvi) April 16, 2023
A lot of women are lucky to have in-laws who treat them like their own, respect their opinions and decisions and support them wholeheartedly. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t thousands of women in the country who are doing a thankless job every day. Maybe for them, advice like this will work.