How Does It Feel To Date A Foreigner? These Quora Answers Are Honest And Overwhelming!

It was around two years ago. My friend had organized a hike up the Alps and brought one of his best friends along. Not even in my wildest dreams did I think that I would be dating this guy in a year’s time. He was with his girlfriend then and I was staying away from anything requiring emotional investments. Since he was one of the best friend’s of my friend, we all started hanging out more often. Soon we had a group consisting of my friend’s cousins and his close friends. We were studying in the same university too.It’s been almost a year since we started dating and every day brings its share of surprises. Be it the acceptable amount of chilies to be added to any dish or whether it’s appropriate to add milk to coffee or even the range of temperature that can be classified as “cold”. I have learned quite a lot about his culture and so has he. We openly discuss everything related to each other’s traditions and I love every moment of it. As of now, I do not know what the future has in store for us. All I know is that we get along remarkably well as a couple despite the whole bunch of land and water that has separated us into different nationalities.

Anyways, I offered him coffee and orange juice, and he took some coffee. He looked a bit sad, and I said ‘What’s wrong?,’ he told me ‘Well, I had so much fun with you and you made me very happy and I am going to miss you because I have to go to NY for the weekend’—he was getting trained to teach Ancient Greek for the summer and had to go to NY for the weekends. I said ‘Well, that’s okay, you’ll see me when you get back!’, ‘That’s true!’ but he responded ‘Well, why don’t you join me in NY for the weekend?’ and I said ‘Hmm, well sure!’

From that day on, we have been inseparable. We got married 6 months after,we travelled to France to see his family and are now are in Turkey, for another conference of his, but I never fail to thank him, for that one day he said ‘I know Sanskrit’ and his response is ‘Well, thanks for coming up to me and letting me know that you know Sanskrit too!’

Us in France with his family May 2015 for his sister’s wedding!

Is it tough being away from someone you love? YES. Is it impossible? NO. It is not a matter of culture, nationality, race, ethnicity or geography. It is more about connection and trust. I am not saying that my story would be successful in the end but I do know that if you meet a person who loves you and accepts you as you are, you should definitely make a move and at least give it a try. Cultures no matter how different tend to merge and create a beautiful bond in the end.

We have something that is most important in any relationship – A CONNECTION.

We both being from diverse cultures has in fact added to the SPARK of our relationship. There is always something new to learn and share, I have started to know more about POLAND that I ever knew. I believe she would say the same about India and misconceptions about Indians in the US.

Believe me when I say Indians are not regarded highly among Americans. Our predecessors have spoilt it for us.

One more thing that has brought us closer is our belief in the ALL MIGHTY. I am a Muslim and she a Christian, we both have immense respect towards each other’s religion, we are both spiritual but not religious – Attending Sunday services in Church is one of the things we both adore and look forward to.

Behind all the differences – without our knowledge was a deep love and understanding that was growing between us beyond our control. The mutual respect for each other’s origins and the curiosity to know more about each other’s way of life brought us closer. We enjoyed the differences and splurged in the cultural experience! We recently got married in Coimbatore – Tamil Nadu where I grew up.

My Husband’s family and friends (~30 Americans) came down for the wedding!

When Anna got pregnant six months after our American wedding (one year after the Indian wedding), the American people all thought it was “soon” but the Indian people thought it was “late.” When my parents were staying with us, my mom was asking Anna when we were planning to have a kid. We didn’t have our marriage certificate yet, so Anna considered that we weren’t even married yet, but my mom considered that we were already married (since we were Hindu-married), and that we were wasting precious baby-making time. She even waited for an opportunity to pull aside Anna’s friend in private and ask the friend if she knew what our plans were for babies! Lol

Of course now we do have a beautiful, “spirited” (or naughty) one-year-old boy named Neel. We gave him that name thinking that it would be acceptable in both cultures, since it’s a common Irish-American name (although with a different spelling), and it’s a fairly common Indian name, after a Hindu mythological figure. But still, my parents thought it was a made-up American name, and Anna’s family didn’t like it either … Anna’s family also wasn’t too excited about the idea of the mundan (head-shaving ceremony). And don’t even bring up the crib versus co-sleeping debate!

How was it different from a relationship with an Indian girl? Not very – we talked the same way (except for the added spice of having to decipher each other’s accents every now and then), we kissed the same way and she looked at me the same way when she cuddled up to me in a movie theater or in front of a TV screen. She was unique as an individual obviously – but whether we’re from India or America, people – in love – are all the same.

But there’s also obviously the differences – when we have arguments, we do sometimes bring up stereotypes about each other’s races (harmless ones) and there’s the obvious differences in our preference for food etc – I like my dishes a bit spicy while she hates any spice in her food (I just add mine, separately). We still fight over which take away to get and how spicy the cuisine can be. We fight over baby names and what religion our babies will be – and then when the baby arrived, about what race she’s from (she has fair skin, general face shape and beautiful brown eyes like her mom and black hair like mine – so half-half I’d say). When we go to parks, we sit right at the edge of tree shadows so I can stay in the shade while she can sit in the sun. Also, she didn’t know who Sachin Tendulkar was.

It was Skype and whats app that kept us together for next few months. It was difficult but we made it. Then I flew to Indonesia with ZERO planning and knowledge of the country. Thankfully, she took good care of me or I would have been lost. We traveled again(Indonesia is beautiful). We surfed(Yay!). But this time, it was my time to fly back. It was brutal again for both of us. When I returned to India, there were differences and other stuff between us. We broke up.

I never had a serious relationship with an Indian girl, but I had one with an Indo-nesian girl.

Judgment day came and It was time for me to leave for India. I wanted to quit my job and take a break for a year. She was against it, she was logical and I have always been emotional. I left the country. We talked for some time. We talked less for some time. Now we talk even less. That’s my story. It’s not an inspirational story but I wanna end with an inspirational note. My girlfriend and I didn’t choose to work with it because we realized we are not compatible. Fortunately, I met a guy on a plane, an Indian guy, who was married to a Belarussian girl and had 2 daughters with her. Call it coincidence , but it restored my faith in interracial relationships. Ours wasn’t perfect, but doesn’t mean others can’t be.