We all do things we’re too ashamed to admit. Natural human tendency, right? Who hasn’t farted and pretended that it wasn’t them? Or spit out their gum on the road when no one was looking?
Basically, there is a side to us that’s completely and utterly outrageous and not worthy of the public eye. So whenever that side makes us do crazy things, our dainty sensitivities prevent us from owning up to it.
But thank god for Quora and its exhaustive list of important life questions! Someone posed a question that asked “What are things everyone does but no one admits to doing?” and this one answer with a comprehensive list just struck a chord!
1. Watch porn
For some weirdly inexplicable reason, sex today is still spelled as T-A-B-O-O. Porn is the worst sex-ed that anyone can get, but in some countries, it’s the only sex-ed that people get. So everyone, right from horny teenagers to deprived middle-aged folks, everyone watches porn but can’t admit to it!
While everyone is a staunch believer of the ‘Apna Haath, Jagannath‘ school of thought, openly admitting that they jerked off or flicked their bean (remember The Ugly Truth?) is #Awkward!
3. Pick their nose. Some people eat their snot, too!
First, ew gross.
Second, now I agree this is as natural and frequent as wiping your ass clean after you’ve pooped. But sadly, no one seems to want to be caught dead digging out boogers from their nose because…
4. Start diets and end up eating chips at midnight
8 am: Instagrams quinoa breakfast bowl
8 pm: #ChipsBeforeSexyHips #FriesBeforeGuys #FoodBeforeLookingGood
5. Check out their body in the mirror
No, okay, it’s not vanity! It’s just an irresistible urge to check yourselves in any and every reflective surface you pass by.
So, yes, okay. It’s vanity. Mea Culpa!
6. Pee in the shower
We’ve all been too lazy (and wet) to slip out of the shower for a piss and just done it in the bath! So what, right? It’s all water going down the drain anyway!
But would you ever admit how much of a relief that warm streak running down your leg feels like? NO!
7. Embellish stories to make themselves sound cool
If you haven’t concocted elaborate stories about hot dates that didn’t happen or crazy drunken adventures that were as boring as a tree stump, then are you even human?
On that note, I remember this one time J K Rowling told me I was the best writer she had ever read! *wink*
8. Fart and blame it on someone else
One visual. Chatur The Silencer from 3 Idiots. Nuff said!
9. Stare at pictures of their crush
It isn’t a legit crush if you haven’t stalked them on every social media platform they are present on, every gig, every hangout and outside the window of their bedroom… while they sleep… unaware that you’re staring at them.
Okay no, that’s creepy. Wait is that why people don’t admit it?
10. Practice conversations they will probably never have, in front of a mirror
If I had a penny for every time I had imaginary conversations in front of a mirror, I’d probably be writing my bio for the Forbes list of richest folks!
And what happens when someone walks into the room when you’re doing it?
11. Record their voice in order to hear what it sounds like to the rest of the world
In everyone’s defence, we do sound quite different on a mic! Besides, that’s probably the only way some people will realise their Indian Idol dreams!
12. Snoop around in other people’s bathrooms
That crazy adrenaline rush you get when you open someone’s bathroom cabinet and check out everything but have to make sure you keep it EXACTLY where you picked it up from?
This one’s a guilty pleasure that everyone indulges in but no one wishes to admit to!
13. Enjoy the pooping process
There’s a reason toilet humour is a vice you cannot escape!
The pot isn’t just a pot. It is a throne where you, its king or queen, engage in the most profound introspection. Of course, it must be thoroughly enjoyed!
14. Concentrate so hard on having the right amount of eye contact with the person they are talking to, that they end up not hearing half of what he/she was saying
“Wait, do I seem interested enough?”
“Would they think I am into them in some creepy obsessed way if I look at them like this?”
“Shit, what were they saying but?”
15. Turn their phones on to check the time, but forget to check the time
I’ve written messages, made calls, browsed Facebook and Instagram and even watched videos entire TV shows when all I wanted to do was just check the time.
And then, like a slightly embarrassed dog with a tail between its legs, gone back to check the time!
I can bet my soon-to-arrive salary on you saying “Hahahaha, been there, done that!” to 90% of these!
So, then, have you? Come on, spill. Or you could even write your response on Quora. I promise it’ll stay just between you, me and the Internet!
This answer has been used after taking proper permission from the author.