You don’t notice a problem until it shows up in its full glory. Especially if the issue is related to mental health, it gets noticed only after it has done enough damage.
While issues of mental health are now being given importance and depression is not just another word thrown around when someone is remotely sad, there is still so much of a negative connotation attached to the term ‘therapy’ or ‘counselling’.
I recently decided to sign up for therapy when I realised I was battling an eating disorder. It wasn’t sudden, it was growing each day, feeding on my body image issues and insecurities.
But I didn’t think I could have a disorder, you know? I mean, I’m fabulous and I love myself just the way I am.
Turns out, I was only pretending to believe it. It was more of a lie I was telling myself than to the world.
I would barely eat, if anything at all, and I conditioned my brain to believe that I was nauseous at the sight of food. So you see, I wasn’t ACTUALLY bulimic, because I didn’t binge eat and then throw up intentionally.
I did the next best thing – I didn’t eat at all and believed that I’m doing this to avoid nausea.
But it caught up to me in the end. One fine day, after days of surviving on just dal, I had one piece of junk and tried to throw up as soon as I got home. THAT’S when I knew I had a problem. That it wasn’t going to go down well if I continue believing I’m okay. It wasn’t only an eating disorder, it was affecting my daily life and eventually growing into depression.
It took me a long time to confess it to myself before I could tell my close family and friends. But I did it.
That’s how I came to write this article today. To tell you the things my family and friends said when I told them I’ve decided to sign up for therapy.
1. It’s just a phase, you’ll grow out of it.
2. Maybe you should try yoga. There’s nothing better than meditation.
To a large extent, meditation and traditional yoga is really the best medicine. But not for me. Not at this point where I literally felt guilty about eating a damn salad for lunch.
3. Maybe you should start working out to lose weight, instead of not eating, you know?
4. But is it really that bad? I mean, you’re smart/strong enough, you can deal with it.
5. What is with your generation? Y’all think every little thing needs medical/professional help.
6. This is all bullshit, you are in control of your mind and body.
And thankfully, not everyone was against the idea. My colleagues and a few of my closest friends, who were in favour of putting my mental health above everything else, were really supportive of my decision.
It hasn’t been long since I started with therapy, but I am getting better already. It’s a long way before I learn to really love myself for who I am – fat, thin, obese or skinny. Like my therapist likes to remind me,
“You are your worst critique, but you can be your own best friend.”