Love Is A Complete Asshole And Here’s Why

Yeah, I said it. Because it is true. Love is an asshole of the greatest proportions. It makes you do things that you shouldn’t have done and it holds all these memories that you should have long forgotten.

And do not even make me start about all that caring you still show for people who should have been long dead to you.

Love is a horrible person.

1. Because it stays for a long time

You – “It’s over! We are done! It’s been a long time!”
Love – “Nope! Not letting it go!”
You – “It’s been 7 years!”
Love – “What’s years?”

You never really stop loving a person, long after the 5 other people you have dated. The butthurt of the heartbreak goes away after time, but love stays.

Because love is like that unwanted guest who feeds graciously on your feelings.

“Oh yeah dude, I will have some of that sadness for dessert and then will wash it down with happy reminiscing.”

You may be in complete love with your present mate or you may be happily single, but there comes a time when you are alone with yourself in the shower and love takes a peek and says,

“Hey, remember XYZ? Remember that time when you did that mushy gushy thing?! Also, you need to shave. It looks like a forest under your armpits.”

Memories rush in like rogue sea waves on the beach and wash over you. You will shed tears, but they are beautiful. You wonder what that person is doing in life now and wonder how you still care about that person, so long after it was over.

Love – “Because it’s never over!”
Me – “SHUT UP!”

 

2. Love doesn’t care for incompatibility

You – “But he’s not right for me!”
Love – “I don’t give a shit, you still will gush over him.”
You – “But we fight all the time.”
Love – “ALALALALALALAALALALA. CAN’T HEAR YOU!”
You – “Why do you have to do this?”
Love – “Remember how he holds you?”
You – “AAARRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”

The person may or may not be right for you. Maybe that person doesn’t love you at all, but unlike the lovely humans, asshole love doesn’t discriminate.

It will never care that the two of you are simply not meant to be. it doesn’t ev…

ALALALALALALALALALA! WHAT ARE YOU WRITING?

GODDAMIT LOVE!

 

3. Love makes you forget who you are

Love makes you forget yourself. It makes you selfless and altruistic. It makes you give yourself away.

It is the reason why when the zombies take over the world, and you are running with your mate down the road with the zombies hot on your tail, you will throw yourself in their way so that the one you love will get away to safety.

Unless she is a bad runner and gets eaten by zombies anyway, in which case you probably should have saved yourself.

Love – “NOPE!”

 

4. Love makes you careless

Mankind has evolved from animals and in our brains there is still the lizard part that holds the animal instincts. It warns us when something is not right.

Love is a majestic beauty that overrides these instincts. It makes you more trusting, tolerant and also makes you forgetful of the other person’s mistakes, even if these mistakes hurt you.

Love – “HAHA!”

 

5. Love is confusing

You – “I think I love Shabnam.”
Love – “Yes, you should love her all the time!”
You – “Yeah. I really like her…”
Love – “You like her body, yes. Her hips, especially!”
You – “Yes…..wait, what?! Who are you?!”

You take the mask off the impersonator, and it turns out to be Love’s cousin – LUST!

And now you truly wonder if you loved Shabnam at all?

You – “Do I truly love Shabnam?”
Lust – “I dunno man. Ask Love. I just want you to, you know…”

It is so confusing. There are so many situations where you love a person and lust for them equally as badly. Then there are relationships where you lusted for the person and it turned into love. Why do love and lust look the same sometimes? How do you know who you love and who you lust for?

Time – “Wait for me! I will tell!”
Lust – “Shut up Time! You always delay all my sessions!”

Love – “You wrote of me like you like me.”
“I do not.”
“Yes, you do! You actually like me. Awwwwwwww!”
“No!”
“Hey remember……”
ALALALALALALALALALALALALALALA. CAN’T HEAR YOU!

Asshole love.

Cover image source