I, like many other hopeful men on this weekend of love, am single, after having been in three not-so-good relationships. And although I haven’t landed a date and will be spending this Sunday with Sense8 and Pizza, there is a part of me which is sad and wishful of a partner to watch Sense8 and share my Pizza with.
So, dear future girlfriend who is somewhere out there, if you’re reading this, here are the things you need to know after we fall in love.
1. I’m a work in progress, so be patient.
I have been scorned in the past, and I have not known the reasons why I’ve been left. I’m still trying to wrap my head around the concept of a healthy relationship, and am figuring myself out, and what my partner requires me to be an do. So be patient, I’ll get there, and all will be well.
2. I’m a normal heterosexual male, meaning there will be female company.
It is but natural to have friends from the opposite sex, and that is how the world works. But don’t worry, for I have drawn definite lines in all my friendships and I think it almost blasphemous if they are crossed. So don’t keep space for any jealousy or insecurity, and I promise the same from my end.
3. Loving me with all your heart doesn’t mean you’ll get to own me.
We will be in a relationship as equals. We both will have our fair share of experiences and memories. No matter how much we love and feel for each other, we will have to bear in mind that we aren’t party to each other’s orders. If one doesn’t like something to be done, they have all the right to refuse it, and the other person will have to gracefully accept it.
4. I don’t need you, but I want you.
This is, by far, the most important point about me that you should know. I can very well be all on my own, I have been for a while now. I’m not going to die without you, but I want you. I desire a healthy companionship from you and want that neither of us are left alone when the world gives in to sleep.
5. When I fall, I fall hard, fast, and deep. Tell me if/when you feel smothered.
This is just how I love, and how I am. I give it my all, and that is the only kind of love I have known. It has gotten a bit too out of hand for others before, and it might for you, as well. So if you feel suffocated, tell me in the clearest of words, and I’ll dial it down a few notches.
6. If you don’t like the things or people I like, it’s okay, and the same works the other way.
We have had our own worlds before ours merged, and we’ll get to keep our own individualities. I have certain set likes and certain people who are permanent residents in my life, I’m sure you’ll have them too. It is very possible that either of us might not like or not be comfortable with those of the other. That’s okay to happen, we’re different people after all, and there won’t be a need for any issues to be made out of it.
7. Money will also be involved, and we’ll go Dutch on all expenses, except gifts.
They say many relationships, marriages even, get destroyed because of money, because it holds a lot more power than what we give it credit for. So let it not come in the way of our being together. Whatever expenses we incur when we are together, be it food, travel, etc., we’ll split it equally amongst us. Gifts are, of course, an exception. But even that should have a limit to it.
8. Physical intimacy and its boundaries will totally be mutually agreed upon.
I don’t have to tell you much on this. If I or you are not ready, for anything, we won’t do it. Simple as that. We will respect each other’s bodies and their wishes and reservations for them.
9. I’m not hopelessly needy, but I will expect some ‘us’ time every day.
Loyalty, trust, faith, and desire, carry love through each darkest fire. But more than that, communication is key to any relationship holding its spark. I will not ask you to hang out and keep talking to me 24×7×365, but I expect a little amount of either intellectual conversation or healthy banter once a day, so that the novelty doesn’t fade.
10. There will be no pressure for any future plans and I’ll expect the same from you.
We will live in the moment and not give much thought about how we go from there and which road we’ll take. If and when we get serious and see a future with each other, there will be ‘the talk’ and all plans and further steps of action will be mutually decided upon without stepping on anyone’s shoes.
11. If at any point, you feel you’re done and out of love, tell it to me straight up.
I will expect you to be faithful with me and if there ever comes a time where you just don’t feel like it and want to call it quits (believe me, it happens, and it’s totally normal), make sure I’m the first one who knows about it and talk it out with me before taking any other step. I will hear you out and respect your decision, and like I mentioned, there will be no pressure for anything.
There are other things too, that we both should know before falling in love, dear future girlfriend, but the above should suffice for now, before we take the plunge.