An Open Letter To My 15-Year-Old Self

There have been a lot of times, growing up, when I needed somebody desperately to hold my hands and show me the way. Times, when I couldn’t make sense of anything and days when the hardest thing to do, was getting out of the bed. I needed a voice to guide me; I searched for one too. Now I know, life isn’t always how you think it to be.

But I can’t help but wonder, would life be any different, if I were to find one then? The inner voice, that I can proudly say, I possess now (or so I hope)? Say, in an alternate universe? Oh, what the hell, existing or not, I will. I will take the opportunity to speak to my teenage self, in the hope that maybe, just maybe…it’ll help you find the one you’re looking for!

So, here it goes…

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Dear 15-year-old me,

Hey there! You’ve been a brave girl. And I couldn’t be more proud. I know I have judged you, time and again but today I want to tell you things that nobody did.

1. It is not your fault he touched you where he shouldn’t have.

 I know it is scary. I know you’re angry too. But it is NOT your fault. It is not your fault that the one, who you called uncle, has ripped you of your consciousness. I see you crying at the corner of your bed; do not shed a tear thinking that you have lost your dignity. Your dignity is very much intact, and so is your self-esteem. And let nobody tell you otherwise.

 

2…But it will be if you keep quiet about it!

I know mother won’t be happy. But this is something you have to do for yourself and just yourself. You owe it to you and several other girls you’re age who cannot the find the right words to pronounce something as scarring as this. Mother won’t be happy, but she will understand. She will take your side.

 

3. You’ll not disappoint daddy if you chose arts over science to study

Really, don’t wreck your brains thinking how he would react. Just open your heart to him and you’ll be surprised with how much he trusts you. He does, more than anything. And I know the aunts probably will taunt you, but hey, do you care?

 

4. Mark sheets don’t matter!

There, I said it. It might shock/surprise you but that’s the truth missy. No, I’m not discouraging you from doing good but I’m trying to encourage you to be much more than just your marks. There is so much you could do, so much you could be. Do me a favour, please go take up a singing class, will you?

 

5. It’s okay if the guy you like doesn’t like you back. 

Yes, it is. Don’t worry about what the ‘friends’ will think. If they are truly your friends they’ll stick around. About the guy, who you thought will be ‘The one’, wait until you meet him. Oh, you’re gonna love it. Until then, nurse your heart and go buy that beautiful dress you saved money for!

 

6. It is perfectly fine if your body doesn’t conform to the standards you see on TV. If your acne makes your face look like, (quoting the brother) ‘a playground’. 

Of course, it is okay. It’s puberty, it’s a phase. Don’t let any mark, red/white/black cage you indoors. Own it and know that, in years to come you’ll learn what beauty actually means. Don’t go buying all that medicinal creams instead go ask granny to churn you some sandalwood paste.

 

7. Stained your pants? So, WHAT?

Menstruation is a biological process and not a subject of shame. I know it may sound easier than done, but you have to come out. Rather, you have to go out. The fear of getting a red patch on your crotch or seat cannot be the reason you limit yourself to the four walls of your bedroom. Go out and tell your friends the same!

 

8. No, compromising yourself to ‘fit in’ and please people is never the way.

Be it the girl who wanted to be friends with conditions applied or the guy who broke up with you because you didn’t adapt to his ideas of ‘ideal relationship’, nobody is worth the mistake of altering yourself and sacrificing your individuality for. You deserve better, much better.

 

9. Please don’t misbehave with parents…

Yes, they are right. Believe me, they are. Doesn’t mean you don’t stand by your opinion, just don’t disrespect them because you don’t understand their point of view. And I don’t know how to put this in a better way but they are the only ones who’ll stand by you..even when you’re at your worst. 

 

10. Listen up, you’ll be alright!

And I can bet my life on it! After all the odds, you’ll come out and you’ll come out stronger. So, while you’re still at it, enjoy every moment and make memories. 

Honestly, I would be nothing with you… 

Lots of love,

Yours Truly.

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