It’s true that we live in the 21st century but the dynamics of dating and wooing potential love interests is still as flawed as Bollywood’s definition of love. Actually, not just B-wood, movies, in general, represent a myopic view of courtship that does no good to souls who are seeking love in the big, bad world.
In fact, somehow and someway it has managed, encouraged the boys and the easily-influenced to woo till the girl gives in. Hey, I’m not against harmless flirting but there is a thin line between being a flirt and being a creep and most men, easily slip into the latter.
Like that wasn’t bad enough, there a few gentlemen who take offence if the girl doesn’t return the favour or the gesture immediately. Let me rephrase that; men think women are ‘rude’ and ‘bitches’ because they don’t participate in the exchange of compliments, many a time, even in the first meeting.
If I’m not making any sense to you, I’ll let this eye-opening thread by a certain Lily Evans to do the talking.Â
Why some women are "rude" or "cold" or "standoffish" to men in public: a thread
— 🦊LilyEvans🦊 (@LilyEvansMFC) January 5, 2018
Have a read…
1. It all began when she took her Echo for a walk…
I was walking my dog today and stopped to take a photo of the sunset. A man on a bench behind me was having a snack and he offered Echo a cracker, which she gladly took, because she's a dog and always wants the people foods.
— 🦊LilyEvans🦊 (@LilyEvansMFC) January 5, 2018
2. It always begins with a small question, doesn’t it?
It started innocently enough. He asked my dog's name, and then mine. I asked for his and we shook hands. I hate making small talk but, well, he had been very nice to offer my dog a treat, so I mentioned the nice weather. He asked if I lived in the area.
— 🦊LilyEvans🦊 (@LilyEvansMFC) January 5, 2018
3. THIS.
Now, as a woman, I don't like that question. First of all, I'm walking my dog, so it's already pretty clear that I probably live fairly close by. But I answered yes, made an excuse about Echo needing her medication, and dragged her away. All in all, not the worst interaction.
— 🦊LilyEvans🦊 (@LilyEvansMFC) January 5, 2018
4. Then strikes the horror…
About 200 yards away, I paused to let Echo sniff some stuff and text a friend. "Hey, I thought you were going home?" Oh, boy. He'd followed me. I smiled and said I was just texting a friend back, but was on my way home, which was true– but more explanation than I owed a stranger
— 🦊LilyEvans🦊 (@LilyEvansMFC) January 5, 2018
5. This has happened to every woman I know.
He asked me where I lived. This made me uncomfortable, so I lied and said I live a neighborhood over. He said he'd seen me around often, which made me uncomfortable because I'd never seen him before but I guess he has been watching me.
— 🦊LilyEvans🦊 (@LilyEvansMFC) January 5, 2018
6. Isn’t that scary?
He asked if I have family around. I said no. And then he asked me if I live alone. So now a strange man, over 6 feet tall, probably in the 220-260 pound range, has been watching me, following me, has a rough idea of where I live…
— 🦊LilyEvans🦊 (@LilyEvansMFC) January 5, 2018
7. It can be daunting.
and now he knows that I have no family in the area to check in on me. And now he wants to know if I live by myself. Alarm bells are ringing in my head and luckily this time I can tell the truth– I do not live alone, I have a former military male room mate. But I'm still scared.
— 🦊LilyEvans🦊 (@LilyEvansMFC) January 5, 2018
8. Unacceptable!
I start tugging the leash to get across the street and he asks for a hug. Before I can say no he wraps his arms around me and squeezes me, tightly, and doesn't let go for a good 10-15 seconds. I was terrified he would squeeze tighter because I knew he could hurt me if he wanted.
— 🦊LilyEvans🦊 (@LilyEvansMFC) January 5, 2018
9. These questions are bound to rise.
Finally he let me go and I dashed across the street with my dog, even though the crosswalk timer was nearly up. All I wanted was to get home ASAP. But I couldn't even do that. What if he followed me again? What if he saw where I lived?
— 🦊LilyEvans🦊 (@LilyEvansMFC) January 5, 2018
10. Perhaps, the only resort…
I had to take an alternate route home, in the dark, constantly checking behind me to make sure I wasn't being followed, constantly making sure I was surrounded by plenty of people so I wouldn't be alone in the dark, constantly staying on the best lit streets.
— 🦊LilyEvans🦊 (@LilyEvansMFC) January 5, 2018
11. ‘I gave him an inch and he took a mile.’
So now I need to plan a new dog walking route, and I have to be even more wary than usual after dark (which comes at like 4:45 now, thanks winter.) All because I decided to be nice to a strange man. I gave him an inch and he took a mile.
— 🦊LilyEvans🦊 (@LilyEvansMFC) January 5, 2018
12. SAME.
I've experienced this over and over and OVER, and yet I STILL try to give people the benefit of the doubt because I don't want to get called a bitch. I don't owe anyone ANYTHING. Not a smile, not a hello, not a hug. And I'm going to remember that.
— 🦊LilyEvans🦊 (@LilyEvansMFC) January 5, 2018
13. The common plight.
This man didn't look scary, or creepy, or weird. Our interaction started perfectly pleasantly. So next time a woman on the street comes off as "rude", remember that we have NO IDEA which men are going to follow us home, or touch us without our consent, or worse.
— 🦊LilyEvans🦊 (@LilyEvansMFC) January 5, 2018
14. This boils my blood.
Oh, and on my way home, another man stopped me and told me I had better "watch my figure". I assume this is because HE wanted to watch my figure.
— 🦊LilyEvans🦊 (@LilyEvansMFC) January 5, 2018
15. You can only hope…
So yeah. I'm at home shaking now, hoping that man didn't follow me home. Hoping he doesn't really see me around a lot, hoping he doesn't know where I really live. And hoping that I can make ONE person understand how dangerous "just being nice" to strangers can be.
— 🦊LilyEvans🦊 (@LilyEvansMFC) January 5, 2018
16. No one does until its too late!
And for thos eof you saying "wow he's creepy": you're correct! He IS creepy! And I had NO WAY OF KNOWING whether he would be creepy or harmless until it was too late!
— 🦊LilyEvans🦊 (@LilyEvansMFC) January 5, 2018
17. ‘She is protecting herself.’
And for those of you telling me to "stay safe" and protect myself: being "rude" IS a way of staying safe and protecting myself. When a woman you do not know brushes you off, won't say hello back or thank you for your compliment or whatever, THIS IS WHY. SHE IS PROTECTING HERSELF.
— 🦊LilyEvans🦊 (@LilyEvansMFC) January 5, 2018
18. Dear men, please note…
So next time you wanna get butthurt about it, try and consider WHY she might be acting that way. Consider that if she is nice to a man who later turns creepy people will tell her she should have been more careful.
— 🦊LilyEvans🦊 (@LilyEvansMFC) January 5, 2018
Every man and woman need to read this thread and approach dating the way it should be- consensually and mutually. Until then, we can only hope that our friends/sisters/GFs are staying safe out there and men, are not pushing it where they shouldn’t.
On a related note, here’s the correct way of asking a stranger (woman) out online.