One of my favourite useless hobbies is digging through Urban Dictionary. No, not because I sadistically enjoy slowly murdering my years worth of English language education and subsequently ending up without a job. But because spending hours on the internet, I honestly cannot keep up with all the new slang. Everything and everybody is lit, dope, woke, fire and what not. Man, I sound old.
Anyways, point is, I know what’s the shiz. And one of these slangs, which made absolutely zero sense to me is “fire”. Like you guys saying “Damn, this article is fire!” (Sorry, not sorry for the shameless plug.) Who even came up with it? I just couldn’t see the point of it.
That is, until now. When I learned that something known as “Flaming Wallet” is actually a thing. A legit wallet that bursts into, you guessed it, FIRE!
Now, technically, this is a magic prop. You know, whip a normal looking wallet out of your pocket, show it to the crowd, do some abracadabra on it, open it at a painfully slow pace and… BOOM! Wallet catches fire and crowd goes crazy!
However, one hotshot had other purposes in mind for his flamethrower. To be specific, he multi-purposed this magic prop into a cigarette lighter.
“Why carry around a lighter when I can just light cigarettes with my wallet instead?” is probably the thought that went through this guy’s head as he left his house.
This ‘genius’ was caught on camera during a World Cup match and honestly, my reaction to this is the same as that of the commentator who goes:
“Oh good lord, son!”
Watch:
Meanwhile, at the #WorldCup… pic.twitter.com/52wi3DODX3
— Marcus Gilmer (@marcusgilmer) June 20, 2018
While the commentator’s statement on the multiple levels of unhealthiness is true, you’ve got to give the flame guy props for his jugaad. According to the Independent, lighters may be confiscated at the stadiums for security purposes. Meanwhile, a seemingly innocuous wallet can slip through.
For the good folk of Twitter, this guy is nothing less than a hero:
1. Someone hire him for resourcefulness.
I'd like to join your LinkedIn network pic.twitter.com/EgemV13Hjb
— Charlotte Wilder (@TheWilderThings) June 20, 2018
2. Daaayum!
A “Flaming Wallet”, coming to a stadium near you! pic.twitter.com/k0pvs253CA
— Trey Wallace (@TreyWallace_) June 20, 2018
3. Can’t say I didn’t do the same.
(frantically searches Amazon for flaming wallet) https://t.co/zmAqmT8lVq
— Nick Stevens (@AhoyNickStevens) June 20, 2018
https://twitter.com/belziee_lovee/status/1009512278813704196
4. Yup, he did.
Did some use a flaming wallet to light a cigarette at the #IranVsSpain match!? #WorldCup pic.twitter.com/1EfmUeEtq4
— David Thompson (@DavidMDT) June 20, 2018
5. Worth it.
Annnnd live from Russia.. no goals but we've got flaming wallets #WorldCup pic.twitter.com/ShUsbGOXZX
— Guru Sports Media (@gurusportsmedia) June 20, 2018
Say what you will about Fox's World Cup coverage, but at least they showed us a man lighting a cigarette with a flaming wallet.
— Hans Shenk (@h_shenk) June 20, 2018
6. *Cough* Paranoia *Cough*
You can't bring a bottle of water into a stadium in the US and my man at the World Cup has a wallet that catches fire to light his cig
— Ian Curtin (@Ecurt17) June 20, 2018
So, to sum it up:
This dude’s wallet is fire pic.twitter.com/avkPGzJ9f3
— Andrew Joseph (@AndyJ0seph) June 20, 2018
*immediately orders one just to show-off*