People tend to disregard women’s struggles in the arranged marriage market thinking that they are inconsequential in the larger scheme of things. But being a woman in a patriarchal society, putting yourself out in the arranged marriage market which is essentially designed to meet the needs of men, and having entitled men ‘interview’ and ‘rate’ you on the basis of all that you are willing to sacrifice…calling it “hard” would be an understatement.
As women, we are expected to place the needs of others over our own. But, over time, we have recognized the necessity to prioritise our needs as well. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, within which there must be transparency, mutual respect and adoration, and space for both individuals to grow. If men have needs, so do women and in order to find the perfect partner for themselves in an arranged marriage setup, they must be vocal about their needs.
However, many women find themselves on the other end of scrutiny and ridicule once they clearly voice their needs. If a man comes across a woman on a matrimonial site whose desires do not align with him, he is free to move on and look at another profile. But no. Some men will go out of their way to vilify a woman who dares to be vocal about her needs. Here’s an example.
A man named Shonee Kapoor posted a screenshot of a woman’s profile on a matrimonial site. The woman is 33 years old, is a psychologist, and earns between Rs 5 lakh to Rs 7.5 lakh per annum. She has mentioned on her profile that she is not “traditional” or “family-oriented”, doesn’t want kids, doesn’t know how to cook, and doesn’t wish to relocate to another city or country.
However, Shonee was quick to write that the woman is looking for a “retirement plan” instead of a marriage.
Several people, especially men, sat down to completely disregard, belittle and berate the woman’s needs, because how dare a woman not know how to cook? How dare she not want kids? How dare she not want to go wherever her husband wants her to go?
Over aged
No cooking
No to kids
No to relocation
Not really earning
Not family orientedNOT SURE WHAT SHE BRINGS TO A MARRIAGE
— KARTIK CHAUDHARY (@kartik_chau) September 5, 2024
koi hutia hi hoga jo is ke chakker me fasega…or i am sure she just mentioned 5-7.6 lac income maybe it’s fake …….
— Raoof LaLa (@MansooriRaoof) September 5, 2024
When she says she doesn’t want kids ->Run away as far as possible.
— Sahodar – Equality For Men (@SahodarIndia) September 5, 2024
and the budhhi is flexing not knowing cooking lamao, these are the stocks should go to islamist. phull support.
— Desi Homelander (@HomelanderBrown) September 5, 2024
i am not traditional oriented, red flag 🏃♀️ Save yourself ✌️
Only if Dogs had a matrimony page – Bharat Dog Matrimony 🐕— NIKHIL MISHRA (@D3vilsCall) September 5, 2024
Amazing fact is that she just earns upto 7.5 lakhs per annum and then her demands are so high 😂😂
— Munish (@MunishKrGarg) September 6, 2024
Is gawar se shaadi karega kaun? Jab kuch nahi karna toh apne baap ke ghar par hi rahey
— Ss. (@crazyy4x) September 6, 2024
🔇Past the ideal age
🔇Doesn’t cook
🔇Doesn’t want children
🔇Unwilling to relocate
🔇Not financially contributing
🔇Lacks focus on familyIt’s unclear what value she adds to a marriage.
— Krishna (@ktrades_som95) September 6, 2024
Bets she had already married a few times. No girl puts out advertisements for herself and that too when it’s for an arranged marriage. It could be one of those short term stock holding plans with little investment and high returns.
— Shri Sisimanu (@adisposts) September 5, 2024
Marriage is a retirement plan of sorts. What else is it? Sometimes you end up buying the wrong product
— Trumann Neumann (@TrumannNeumann) September 6, 2024
Thankfully, there were many who arrived in support of the woman and said that she has every right to be clear about her needs. She isn’t trying to trick anyone into marriage. If someone’s profile doesn’t align with her vision, they are free to look elsewhere. But to abuse her is unwarranted and unnecessary.
She is clear on her future goals or plans, right? She is not forcing anyone to marry her, right? If her goals are not syncing from yours move away. What’s the big deal here?
— Mathayi 🇮🇳 (@mathayipoyi) September 5, 2024
Why do you need to put something very personal without her consent? She is upfront and not forcing anyone to marry her. Whats the problem?
— The Mutinous Indian (@MutinousIndian) September 6, 2024
Everyone has the right to make personal choices, including finding a partner who makes them happy.
Her decisions deserve respect, not scrutiny.
Neither you nor I have any place discussing her private life. It would be respectful to delete your post and honor her autonomy…
— Abdul Baseeth (@abaseeth) September 5, 2024
This post is in very poor taste. These profiles come with an assumption of confidentiality. Nobody is perfect. You don’t like her? No problem. Someone doesn’t like you too. Move on. As low as you might think she is, you’re even lower for doing this. You’re a red flag now.
— 卐 Agni’s Alt 卍 (@AgniAltAccount) September 6, 2024
I still have a very HUGE respect for her. She doesn’t wants to take any responsibility and is very clear and honest about it. No problem with anyone’s personal choices.
The problem is that when they aren’t vocal about it in the beginning for some reason, it complicates things.
— Abhas Kumar Shrivastava (Kane Williamson FC)✨🇮🇳 (@abhas_rewcie) September 5, 2024
It may look odd…but she is categorically clear with her definition of marriage, which should be appreciated. She did not hide and reveal it after marriage. If there is a guy who matches her wavelength , he will get along with her.
— Vijay🇮🇳 (@VijayarajB) September 5, 2024
If she’s a psychologist she doesn’t need a man to provide her with money. Shes gng to earn pretty well for herself and her dogs. Any man will be lucky to have a working financially independent wife.
— Clara (@Mariann891) September 5, 2024
It’s ok to not want kids just a life partner for her. People who don’t want kids gets can’t get married? Your goals don’t align move on.
Relocation- doesn’t mean not will to move out of her home. But delhi based. Yes many women look for that could be family reasons.— Tamolina (@Tamy1203) September 5, 2024
Guys end of day it is her expectations and everyone can dream for a better life, we got no authority to ask her to reduce her expectations. Her prospective grooms know what they are getting into and can either accept or reject her.
— csssk (@csuriyakumar) September 5, 2024
Do you see how society is threatened by a financially independent woman who draws boundaries and highlights that she has needs of her own?