Those who have never had an arranged marriage and don’t plan on one either will never know the kind of pain the entire process is. Imagine your qualities being picked apart and scrutinized bit by bit. Imagine being compared to other potential partners. Imagine being told that you are too dark, too fair, too fat, too thin, overqualified, underqualified and what not. Imagine facing rejection from absolute strangers for bizarre reasons. It is unimaginably hard and tends to take a toll on a person’s mental health.
A woman, who is currently meeting potential grooms took to Twitter to share what it is like being in an arranged marriage setup. She revealed how she is being rejected by the mothers of grooms because she isn’t young enough or doesn’t look young enough.
Imagine being rejected by mothers of 28 and 31yo men because you’re 25 not 22yo 🤡
Imagine people saying no to you because you dont look like an 18yo at the age of 25.
“Age zyada lag rahi hai larhki ki”
Im so done. With everyone and everything.
— myself from village area (@amnaaww) May 14, 2023
All this she has to tolerate just out of respect for her parents and nothing else. She doesn’t even want to get married in the first place!
Imagine you have to tolerate this bullshit JUST for your parents. I dont even want to get married.
Things you have to do for their happiness.Me letting my mental health deteriorate more by putting up with all this is my mothers and fathers day gift for the next 50years.
— myself from village area (@amnaaww) May 14, 2023
— myself from village area (@amnaaww) May 14, 2023
Several people who have been in her shoes responded by sharing similar experiences from their personal lives. While some took a firm stand against their parents, others had to endure their relatives trying to search for a match for them.
I had to put my foot down over house visits when the first one went to hell. Told them I’ll meet guy outside in public. They often told me about the ‘good’ rishtas & I pointed out things hidden in plain sight they didn’t see. It’s possible to show them so they learn to value U.
— Fatima Yamin (@yamin_f) May 14, 2023
Everybody had this pic in their head that “She will look nice with (name) or (name) & she will make a perfect couple. I had several Uncles who used to be tell me “Dont worry I will find a boy for you” ….I was like “Arey who asked you to..” 😂😂
— Clar (@Clar_in_daHouse) May 15, 2023
I had a flash back to my times. Shit included “She’s a nice girl but we are rejecting her because she probably earns more than my son”. After 10 years of this, I met my equal when I was an independent, successful (not so young) woman. No regrets.
— Biscuit Girl (@BiscuitGirl786) May 14, 2023
Imagine being rejected just bcoz u live in a village and your house is not big as their,suppose being rejected bcoz your father has not kept 20-23 lakhs for dowry and all these things you have to tolerate to keep the reputation of your parents in the society and https://t.co/jzFCxPYuDh
— Misti_doi🌼 (@_dark_genome) May 16, 2023
Obviously preferences but 22 marrying 30 is weird to me. When I was 21-22 I was getting (arranged) rishtas from 29-30 year olds and it was so weird to me because on my timeline, I could relax, chill, mess around, travel. A 30 year old would want to officially settle down soon. https://t.co/1y5YebbWGq
— S (@syksa_) May 15, 2023
Typical Indian notion – girl has to be pretty,done masters degree, has to hav a stable job(which she must sacrifice if ordered by in laws), must cook deliciously,wear sanskari clothes, and be below 23years of age. FCKIN HOW???😂😂
And tht guy be 30YO who got a job just last year https://t.co/b5b03hlubN— positivitea (@bubbpowerpuff) May 15, 2023
Marriage "market" becomes a hellish experience for men and women. Obsession about wealth, status, beauty and age when none of these ensure successful marriages. https://t.co/DPGgyhDJHU
— Padma Pillai (@lotophagus) May 15, 2023
Not to contest the point..overall the arranged marriage system in our country is total crap.
Imagine building your career from ground up, studying from IIT, doing well for myself and my family isn't enough "social capital" to reject me by saying, " ladka humara caste ka nahi hai https://t.co/IrA33DuJMg— Alt name to hide identity (@gooner2193) May 15, 2023
I will never understand desi culture…. why are parents soo involved in their sons lives? and why do they treat their daughters as second class citizens? Honestly as a women I would leave it! not worth it at all https://t.co/NFNMRNt5bM
— Nala (@lanansla) May 15, 2023
I can never fathom what it must be like to have impressive qualifications, a job, and a satisfying salary and have someone reject you because you don’t look like an 18-year-old anymore!