I remember loving Sarabhai v/s Sarabhai for a lot of reasons and one of them was how deftly it addressed the problems that plague Indian households with a healthy dose of irony and sarcasm. Take for example Indravan’s stance on household chores. When Maya asks him to simply lift a glass of water, he answers “Main mard hoon“. Of course, Maya being Maya, had an epic comeback to it. But not all women are successful in getting men to contribute to the household chores.
We crib and we complain; we manage to ask for help but only that one time. We sigh heavily at fictional husbands like Govinda in Aamdani Atthanni Kharcha Rupaiya or Arjun Kapoor in Ki and Ka, but give up in the face of sharing the load at home with the men, faster than you can say equality.
Well, this Australian mom decided to get real about this whole ‘men helping out at home’ situation and it’s the most relatable thing you’ll read.
In a Facebook post, Constance Hall, a blogger mom from Australia, went all out as she talked about how after becoming overburdened with household chores, and under advisement from her friends, she decided to ask her husband for help.
“Recently while bitching about the fact that I do absolutely everything around my house with a bunch of friends all singing “preach Queen”, someone said to me “if you want help you need to be specific… ask for it. People need lists, they aren’t mind readers.”
So I tried that, asking.. specifics..
“Can you take the bin out?”
“Can you get up with the kids? I’m just a little tired after doing it on my own for 329 years”
“Can you go to woolies? I’ve done 3 loads of washing and made breaky, lunch, picked up all the kids school books, dealt with the floating shit in the pond.”
And yeah, she was right… shit got done.”
Now you’d think “Yay, that’s awesome! Ask and thou shalt receive help!” right? Umm, not really.
What Hall pointed out in her post next is a rather frustrating twist to her story and also something that evidently all women experience: How long before you have to ask for help AGAIN?
“But I was exhausted, just keeping the balls in the air.. remembering what needs to be asked to be done, constant nagging..
And do you know what happened the minute I stopped asking…?
Which brought Hall to a rather blunt conclusion: Just asking for help was never going to be enough. If she forgot to, or stopped, the help would stop too. It was time for men to become a little more aware and self-reliant about their responsibilities around the house.
And so I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s not your job to ask for help, it’s not my job to write fucking lists.. We have enough god dam jobs and teaching someone how to consider me and my ridiculous work load is not one of them.
Just do it.
Just think about each other, what it takes to run the god dam house. Is one of you working while the other puts up their feet?
Is one of you hanging out with mates while the other peels the thirtieth piece of fruit for the day?
Is one of you carrying the weight?
Because when the nagging stops, when the asking dies down, when there are no more lists….
All you’re left with is silent resentment. And that my friends is relationship cancer..
It’s not up to anyone else to teach you consideration. That’s your job.
Just do the fucking dishes without being asked once in a while mother fuckers.”
If you’re blown away by her bold take on this situation, welcome to the club. Everyone seems to be saying “Yaaas Queen” to her and the post has gone viral.
It was like opening the floodgates to a host of similar issues that women wanted to talk about, all of them having to do with how the men in their lives act when faced with housework. And boy, they pulled no stops!
1. Can you not SEE all the work that needs to be done?
2. Wait, isn’t “helping out” implying a kind of favour?
3. Some husbands though!
4. Some great advice!
5. Yes, it’s all about the upbringing!
This reminds me of another Indian mom’s post about how Indian parents seem to hate their sons so much that they won’t even teach them how to cook, leaving them dependent on others for the rest of their lives!
Kudos to all men who do their share willingly. But to the others, can you be a little more woke about your responsibilities? Don’t just help out with them, but own them. Just like charity, even equality begins at home!