13 Tricks You Can Use To Make Life Easier With Your Roommates

You could have lived in your own apartment, your heaven of a bachelor pad, or maybe you could have moved in with your girlfriend. But instead you live with your roommates like the rest of us, and to be honest, every day is a compromise. You have to consider another person’s opinions and feelings and choices, just because he/she pays rent. What is up with that.

If roommates weren’t enough, you have to share rooms, bathrooms and food. Ugh. I know it is tough, and I have made the following points so the compromise is not really a compromise anymore.

 

1. Always be late

Suppose there’s lunch/dinner to be prepared, and everyone is hungry, wait it out for a couple of minutes. Someone else will go and start working.
When you start hearing the food being prepared, which means that veggies are already cut and utensils already washed, walk in nonchalantly into the roommates and innocently ask “guys do you need any help?”
If the answer is a no, then hang around and do nothing, but talk as if you are involved.
If the answer is a yes, help out, but be glad that most of the work is done.

 

2. Be stealthy

Dishes need to be done? Everyone else washed their’s?
Just rinse them off and put them with the clean dishes then scream the next day about who didn’t wash their dishes properly.

 

3. Change policies frequently

When its your turn to do the dishes,

“Guys I think it is time that we all started pitching in to do the dishes together”

and then some days later,

“Guys I think we should stick to each guy doing their own dishes”

Repeat.

 

4. Learn to wake up really early or suffer.

To poop, why else? No one wants to poop right after someone has just used the loo. You know whats worse?
Going to take a bath when the guy before u took a huge dump and his poop and stink are literally swirling around in the washroom because he didn’t put the lid down before flushing.

I would ask you to buy air freshener, but just leave a few smelly dumps and your roommates will automatically buy it. No worries.

 

5. Get a sleep mask and ear buds

Not everyone sleeps at the same time you do. You will learn this the hard way when you have douche-bag roommates. Some will be vampires, burrowing deep into their holes when the sun comes up. Some will want to turn the lights off way too early. Some will play loud music or maybe someone will be too noisy in the bed. The point is, you need a good night’s sleep and a sleep mask and ear buds will certainly do the trick.

“What if my roomie farts at night?!”

“GET A NOSE PLUG BRIAN!”

 

6. Always keep some food and water stowed away for emergencies

Just like the post apocalyptic world, there will come a time in your life when you and your roommates will be awake, famished and there will be no food to eat, and it will be too late for anything to be open. And, all of you will be too tired to go out.

Just keep some biscuits and a bottle of water stashed in a corner of your cupboard hidden from everyone else. They will taste like food made by Michelin hatted chef and water will taste like unicorn tears. Also consume them when everyone has given up and went to sleep.

And munch softly!

 

7. Pretend to be extremely busy when there’s some chore to do

Who likes doing work at your home? Work is for workplaces, not your apartment. Apartments are for chilling out, except when you have to pretend being busy to avoid work
“Guys I have a conference call!”
“Just 2 more minutes! I am almost done with this literature review. I have to submit it tomorrow! My career hangs in balance!”

 

8.  Go to bed the last, weatherman

Are you the guy who loves to turn up the air conditioning even when it is winter. Do you have whiny and weak roommates who get a cold in even sub-zero temperatures of your room. Well, it pays to go to bed the last. When everyone is asleep, just turn up the air conditioning or the fan.

Sleep peacefully in your arctic environment, you polar bear!

“What if they get up in the middle of the night and turn the devices off?”

Hide the remote.

 

9. Keep an extension board in handy and tape your name on it

Electric sockets are like oil on this planet, there could be a war for it, because it is a limited resource. An extension board can be your Alaska, rescuing you when all the plug sockets are choked with every electric device, ever.

 

10. Cordon off your room during parties

You need your room to be clean because drunk people barf and they are not usually in a condition to clean it up after. So YOU have to clean it up. Tell them that the room is too dirty, or a rat just died and you cannot find the dead body and it is in there somewhere. Then, when the party is done, you can just go to your clean and tidy room that does not smell of alcohol, and sleep a baby’s sleep.

 

11. Always get the first serving when you have made or ordered food

When your roommates order food, or maybe even make food, always get the first serving. Get that little extra on that plate. Chances are if you take it later, the less food there will be and you will not get an equal portion.

“But if you change your ways and take an equal portion, people will follow in your footsteps and take equal portions too.”

“DON’T YOU THINK I HAVE TRIED THAT ALREADY?!”

Also finish first, so you can mooch off other people’s plates.

 

12. Learn to program and reprogram your WiFi router

Yes. It is not that difficult to learn and once you learn it it is an extremely useful skill in your arsenal. WiFi is probably the most wrestled after resource in your apartment and one dipshit who is using YouTube, while you are taking to your bae can be a real conversation breaker.

Once you have the control of the bandwidth, you are literally, the king of your room!

“What if your roomie also knows how to do that?”

“SHUT UP BRIAN!”

 

13. Always be well groomed when your roommate’s parents arrive

Speak sentences like “I am so tired from all the cleaning I did last night.”

“Oh look, I have a burn on my finger from when I cooked that brilliant biryani for all of you guys. Pity I cannot cook today. Because of this burn.”

Change topics really quickly before your roommates discover your ploy. Treat your roommates’ parents with respect.

So that they think that you are the better guy, and not your roommate.

Aren’t you??

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