Sharmaji Ka Beta (n)
Sharmaji ka Beta is a rare creature found only in India and used by parents all over the country as the SI Unit of comparison for their children. It was changed to ‘Aggarwal’ ji ka beta for a while there, after the 2014 CBSE Board exams. He is present in every neighbourhood and you will come across him at least once in your lifetime, and if you haven’t, then you are probably ‘him’. Here is a list of things that defines an ideal Indian kid, more popularly known as ‘Sharmaji ka beta’.
1. He is a nerd, and proud to be one
He is pale, as the only exposure to light he has is his desk lamp, he wears glasses borrowed from the 20th century and the oil in his hair is only second to the amount in pakodas. But he pulls it off like a swagger.
2. ‘How many hours do you study in a day?’ is not a question
The real question is, ‘How many hours do you spend ‘not’ studying in a day?’
3. His scores are unrealistically high
Sharmaji : My son is locked up in his room, crying.
Our Dad : Why?
Sharmaji : He got 98/100.
4. Never spotted near a playground, after the age of six
5. Never spotted at a movie theatre
No wait, I did see him at the theatre for ‘Ragini MMS2’. Did I? I did. Nah, maybe not.
6. He is the only one who can tell if the Discovery channel is running a repeat telecast
7. He knows the Bhagvad Gita like the back of his hand
For all you back benchers out there – No, I don’t mean he has cheat notes of the Bhagvad Gita written there.
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8. Has a fan club consisting of uncles and aunties
Firstly, because he is an over achiever in the parent approved genre of things and secondly, because he has no friends because of the first reason.
9. Talks about economics and politics and smart-sounding-stuff-ics
He is not just a human Wikipedia, he is the one who sits and corrects Wikipedia in his free time.
10. Is against the concept of having a girlfriend
Or so, us, back-benchers would like to believe, as he never had one.
11. But will get married ‘on time’
‘On time’, by approved Indian standards, means when your parents want you to.
12. Becoming an engineer was actually ‘his’ dream. For real
And will also crack UPSC, CAT, AIPMT and CLAT. You know, just for fun.
13. Will have a higher salary, a car, a house, a boat and a unicorn before you do in life
Or so you’ll hear from your parents.