Why Rejection Hurts So Much And How to Deal With It.

Today I came across this inspiring Ted Video about rejection and this is the part that caught my attention,

“Evolutionary psychologists believe it all started when we were hunter gatherers who lived in tribes. Since we could not survive alone, being ostracized from our tribe was basically a death sentence. As a result, we developed an early warning mechanism to alert us when we were at danger of being “kicked off the island” by our tribemates — and that was rejection. People who experienced rejection as more painful were more likely to change their behavior, remain in the tribe, and pass along their genes.”

If you’ve ever found yourself at a point in life when you’ve caught yourself thinking ” Am I not good enough?”, “What did I do wrong?”, “What could I have done better?” then, you know what rejection feels like.

Rejection is a horrible thing. It makes you feel incomplete, incompetent and unsure about your self worth. It makes you want to cry into a pillow or tear something apart. It’s sadly a part of life. For better or for worse, it changes you. It makes you stronger, it makes you practical but it hurts like a bitch.

We face rejection ever so often, at work, in relationships, while achieving personal goals, with family, but how often to we question ‘Why?.

Why does it hurt so much?’

Reaction to Rejection

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The power of rejection lies in the way you perceive it. After a horrible heartbreak or a getting fired from a job you’ve been doing for a while, you feel demoralized, hurt and disappointed. Most times extreme grief or rage washes over you, it’s what starts the vicious cycle of hurt.

 

Loneliness

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When you’re rejected by a loved one or suddenly find yourself without a set work routine after getting fired, you fall into the lull of loneliness. It festers and grows on you while you let it envelop you. It’s what makes the hurt even harder to overcome.

 

Attacking your self esteem

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When you feel rejected, you started questioning your self worth. You ask yourself if everything you have to offer is really enough? In the case of a break up, you blame it on your weight, your looks, your personality, in the case of a job, you blame it on your lack of skill, presence and your qualifications. This nit picking personifies the hurt you feel.

 

How do you deal with the hurt?

Learn that Self- Approval is what really matters

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Once you lean to accept yourself, without depreciating your self worth, you will also learn to be happy in your skin and make peace with the person you are. Then no one can bring you down, not even a little rejection. That’s when you truly know, when someone rejects you, it’s their loss not yours.

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Always surround yourself with family and friends

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Avoid the trap of loneliness that sucks you into a void, instead be social. Go out each time you start thinking about the time someone cheated on you, the time you didn’t make it on a team or the time a friend didn’t stand by you. Surround yourself with the people who were actually there for you when you faced rejection.

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It can be the catalyst for learning and growth.

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Rejection makes you rethink a lot many aspects of your life. A rejection at work might make you rethink your resume, your job or even the field you are in. A rejection in your love life, might help you move on from something that was clearly not working, set up support groups for others, to help them through rejection. There is always something better waiting at the other end.

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Just take one lesson from rejection, it’s a sign that you’re experiencing life to the fullest.

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