If you were born into a chapati making, shoes removing at doorstep, head covering at pooja household, then it’s safe to assume that you are as Indian as it gets. What comes along with all these responsibilities is the added pressure of accompanying your mother on a shopping trip. It could be to a grocery store, a furniture wala or even a roadside shoe shop.
But what remains constant is the pattern of shopping. Yes, it exists, yes it’s an embarrassing methodology but it gets her great results every single time.
This is how it all begins…
Step 1: The approach
Mom: *Lurks outside shop , as if crossing the threshold will get her in Ravana’s carriage. Chooses to remain outside and points*, ‘Bhaiya woh dikhana’.
Shopkeeper: *Jumps at opportunity and pleads her to come inside the shop, hence portraying some killer convincing skills* ‘Madam aap andar aaiye, kuch thanda lengi?’. *calls to the shop help who is around* ‘Chotu chair le ke aa madam ke liye’.
Step 2: Driving the point
Mom: *Not even a least bit impressed by shopkeeper’s hospitality. Looks deep into shopkeeper’s soul* ‘Kitne ka diya’.
Shopkeeper: *Takes a step back, clearly thinking what exorbitant price to quote* ‘Madam, ye Rs. 450 ka hai’.
Step 3: Making the shopkeeper question all his decisions in life
Mom: *Her mouth drops open wide, her eyes become small with anger and she gets some extra swag as if she’s got him right under her palm* ‘450Rs??? Matlab ek jodi mein, ek chappal ka price Rs 225 hai? Bilkul nahi, theek price bolo’.
Shopkeeper: *puffs his chest*, ‘Madam itna hi hota hai, mera maal best quality ka hai, 5 saal chalega’.
Mom: *Smirks*, ‘5 saal ke warranty dooge?’.
*stunned silence*
Step 4: Preparing to pounce
Shopkeeper: *Reflecting on why he asked her to sit and offered her free chai*, ‘Aap meri behen jaise ho, toh main aapko 430 mein deh dunga’.
Mom: *Looks daggers at him*, ‘Apni behen ko rakshabandhan ke time tum Rs. 20 Â dete ho?’
Step 5: Offering a bait
Shopkeeper: *Given up, dejected and broken*, ‘Aacha aap batao aap kitna dooge?’
Mom: *Like it’s finally her turn on the Iron throne of Westeros*, ‘120’.
Step 6: The final cut
Shopkeeper: *Close to tears*, ‘Madam kapde ka hi 100 hair, phir embroidery ka 100 hai aur labour ka 50 hai, mein profit kahan se banao?’
Mom: ‘Toh aapne Rs450 kyun bola, jab cheez 250 ki hai? Aap dete hai toh 150 mein doh, last offer. Varna mein dusri dukaan pe jaa rahi hun’.
Step 7: And she conquers
Shopkeeper: *Sees mom walking out of shop like Kajol sees Shahrukh Khan on the train in DDLJ*, ‘Thik hai madam, aap 150 mein le lijiye’.
Nothing doing, mommy knows best.
And you as her child, are going to inherit those skills too. So start honing them.Â