Amitabh Bachchan and Taapsee Pannu starrer ‘Pink’ significantly contributed to the conversation surrounding consent during physical intimacy. The message was loud and clear – no means no. However, there are plenty of instances where a solid “No” might not have been uttered but other signals might have been given. And those are valid too.
In a bid to help people recognise the discomfort of a person during intimacy and to understand consent better, one woman took to Twitter to list the various things someone might say during a private moment that means the same as “No”. Have a look at the list here:
"no" means "no", but so does:
— abbi 🤠 (@abbi_pennies) October 18, 2020
“i’m uncomfortable”
— abbi 🤠 (@abbi_pennies) October 18, 2020
“maybe another time”
— abbi 🤠 (@abbi_pennies) October 18, 2020
“i don’t want to”
— abbi 🤠 (@abbi_pennies) October 18, 2020
“this doesn’t feel right”
— abbi 🤠 (@abbi_pennies) October 18, 2020
“i don’t feel like it”
— abbi 🤠 (@abbi_pennies) October 18, 2020
“this feels wrong”
— abbi 🤠 (@abbi_pennies) October 18, 2020
“i’d rather do _____”
— abbi 🤠 (@abbi_pennies) October 18, 2020
“maybe we should wait”
— abbi 🤠 (@abbi_pennies) October 18, 2020
“i’m unsure”
— abbi 🤠 (@abbi_pennies) October 18, 2020
“i don’t want to do this anymore”
— abbi 🤠 (@abbi_pennies) October 18, 2020
“i don’t think so”
— abbi 🤠 (@abbi_pennies) October 18, 2020
“i want to leave”
— abbi 🤠 (@abbi_pennies) October 18, 2020
“not right now”
— abbi 🤠 (@abbi_pennies) October 18, 2020
“stop”
— abbi 🤠 (@abbi_pennies) October 18, 2020
if it’s not a solid yes, it’s a no. some people don’t know how to say no. you should just be a decent enough person to know if they’re uncomfortable. consent is important.
— abbi 🤠 (@abbi_pennies) October 18, 2020
and on top of that, “no” is not an invitation to persuade them to say “yes”. consent is non negotiable.
— abbi 🤠 (@abbi_pennies) October 18, 2020
People online found this thread necessary and relatable. Many expressed how they wish they knew this earlier. A few others added to the list.
This is something that took me a long time to understand and I wish I had seen this thread sooner so rt this so other guys can see this and aren't pushy dicks like I was. https://t.co/s5N3T8wi05
— Dhanveer Mehta (@dhanveer_mehta) October 20, 2020
you know what it should yes means yes. with that, you should assume that it's a "no" unless you hear a yes, not the other way around. https://t.co/UcDMws1z0r
— ellie (@elliefantt) October 19, 2020
plus the body language, silence, uncomfortability, etc. anything that's not a complete, sober, yes is still a no… understand these and accept the dismissal and their own articulations of "NO" https://t.co/4jwh7y0mfE
— wednesday. (@jaryneee) October 19, 2020
If you are so overcome by your sex drive that you'll ignore all the signs of discomfort for your own pleasure, you do not deserve to date. You do not deserve to be around women. Yes means yes. https://t.co/brjYcFIy74
— nationalblackwomensday (@blackwomensday) October 19, 2020
Revised language of consent – instead of "silence means yes", we make it "silence means no", "no means no", all NOs until the person tells otherwise. https://t.co/ySeppzSk3Q
— /tʃuː/ 🩰 (@rfarafea) October 19, 2020
I remember once this grown ass man, and i mean 40 smthng y/o said “if she changes her mind when we’re almost there, of course im gonna continue” and i say this a lot but truly i havent felt peace since that moment https://t.co/DdOD2i69cz
— Njosa (@seadornaa) October 19, 2020
Here feels like a good place to share that there are now FOUR identified trauma/fear responses:
1. Fight
2. Flight
3. Freeze
4. ComplyAll of them being a solid NO as well. Spread the good word. Thank you. 🙏🏻
— ᴮᴱKL⁷⟭⟬ (@solwithluv7) October 19, 2020
So the next time you hear your partner say any of the above, you’ll know what it means. We need to be more mindful about the other person’s comfort.
Cover pic: source.