Finding a life partner is no easy task. And while dating apps and matrimonial websites can help us a LOT, navigating them can also be a little tedious. It really would be great if they came with a handbook and some useful tips and tricks, right? Well, we found something that’s even better.
Reddit user u/Madrascalcutta who is in his 30s has about 5 years of ‘experience’ interacting on matrimonial sites and apps. And he has summarized 5 do’s and don’ts for anyone who wants to try them. While he calls it a rant, they’re really well reasoned out steps for a better and easier experience.
The basic idea, he points out is to “Take it seriously, don’t waste your time or the other person’s time, and respect someone’s efforts in reaching out.” He adds a disclaimer that these steps are gender-neutral and the context of his post saying:
“I’m in my mid 30’s, never been married, have been on all matrimony sites On and off for the last 10 years. I took a break when I got into a relationship. When things didn’t work out, I worked on myself and took the help of a therapist to heal emotional scars. Decided to get back to matrimony sites to see if I could find the right person for me.
Sadly, I still see the same attitude and approach as I did three years ago, and now it pisses me off.”
1. Profiles that protect or hide their photo
“This is very irritating. I am extremely insecure about my looks as a balding, overweight unkil. But I have uploaded my RECENT pics nevertheless as I believe it’s important for the other person to make a call. Things should be fair. If you wish to accept/reject people basis their looks, they deserve the same option. Imagine what it’d be like if everyone hid their photos, and you had to (gasp) only go by their bios. The same goes for your name. At least mention your first name on your bio so we know who we’re looking at.”
2. Bios that don’t have any meaningful information
“For the love of god take some time to describe yourself. Everyone considers themselves funny, respectful, modern, traditional, independent, blah blah. That is not helpful at all. I want to know how you view people and life, what’s important to you, what hobbies and passions you have, your expectations of lifestyle, children, education, career, family etc. You’re an adult, the least you can do is make some effort to write down the things you want the other person to know.”
3. People who don’t manage their profiles
“You’re an adult, you can cast your vote, build your career, and do what you want in your life. Why would you leave it to your parents to filter out who you like or dislike? You can’t talk about being independent and yet have your parents manage your profile. If you don’t have time for this, you shouldn’t be searching for a marriage partner at this stage. You’re better off with casual dating apps.”
4. Be honest about what you want
“Way too many people just use “any” when it comes to partner filters. Be clear about what you want, and I won’t judge you for it. You want to move abroad? More power to you. You don’t want children? Sensible of you. You don’t want to live in a joint family setup? Awesome. Please specify these in the beginning so you don’t get irrelevant responses.”
5. Response time
“By far the biggest peeve. If someone sends you an interest and you’ve read it, don’t delay a response by more than three days. Don’t choose to respond later and keep someone hanging. Similarly, if you accept someone’s interest, please put in the time to chat/call a couple of times to know what the person is like. And if it’s not clicking, that’s perfectly acceptable. Just let the other person know it’s not working. Your honesty will be appreciated. But if you can’t make time, just don’t accept in the first place. If you commit to talking at a particular time or day, please try to honour the agreement as the other person is taking that time out from their lives for you.”
He concludes by saying, “It’s a big decision in life and deserves to be taken more seriously. If you put in the effort and respect the other person and their opinion from a place of equal standing, it would make this tedious and discouraging process a bit more tolerable.”
Accepting an interest and then not initiating conversation or ghosting people when things don’t work out (instead of having a mature discussion and ending things) is the absolute worst. Keeping these 5 pointers in mind would prevent all of these experiences, don’t you think?