15 Things You Experience After You Smoke Marijuana For The First Time

You wonder why all the people around you who smoke weed are so peaceful and calm and utter pacifists. Out of pure curiosity, you want to try it, just for once.

For scientific purposes, obviously.

1. You wait for it

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Your stoner friends are looking at you as if you’ve got double D breast implants on your face.

And you try to make sense if it has hit you yet or not.

“Now?”, you ask as you expectantly look at your friends.

“How about now?”

 

2. You smile

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As if invisible hands are pulling on your facial muscles, making you smile.

And you go, “WTF is happening?”

Your friends start laughing, and you wonder why.

 

3. You realize

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Oooooh! And it hits you. But you are too slow in realizing it, and you have been smiling for a long time now.

Doing nothing. Just sitting at one place and smiling.

Just sitting there smiling like a stupid git who got text messages from all the hot babes in the world saying –

“You the hot thang”

and you go,

“Awwwright! I is the hot thang!”

 

4. Everything is funny

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You realize the absurdity of life. Everything is just too funny.

“I gotta pee man”

“LOL. He pees. With his penis. It’s like a miniature waterfall from a hole in his organ. ROFL”

 

5. You become thirsty

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Your throat is parched, and it feels as dry as a desert.

You want some water. Cold water. No. Juice. No. Chocolate milk.

Yeah….chocolate.

 

6. Heart palpitations

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God forbid you smoked too much the first time.

It hits you hard. Your heart beats like all your crushes in all your life are standing in front of you with low cleavages and short dresses.

Their eyes are fluttering seductively, and they are gesturing at you to come hither.

And you go, “Pull your cleavage up! Protect your modesty! Nooooooooooo!”

 

7. A rush of blood to the groin

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God forbid you think about boobies.

Or naked people in general.

All you get is a raging boner and there is no OFF switch.

 

8. Music sounds profound

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A 21-piece orchestra never sounded so good.

You hear every squeal of every violin, every beat of every drum, and every key of the piano.

The music finally has layers, and it tugs at your heartstrings and makes you happy.

 

9. You lose track of time and things to do

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You are in the kitchen standing with a frying pan in your hands and you do not remember why.

You look around for some clues and then you go to your living room.

You finally remember! But now you have forgotten that you had to cook something in the kitchen with that frying pan.

 

10. Everyone is lovely

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Suddenly there is an overflowing affection for everyone.

The grumpy watchman you hate suddenly has a very fluffy moustache, and you want to go up to him, pull his cheeks and say,

“Who has got a fluffy moustache? Who is a good boy? You is!”

Then you decide against it.

 

11. You become paranoid

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God forbid you get out of the house.

Everyone you see stares suspiciously at you.

You just want to scream, “I DID NOT SMOKE WEED! I SWEAR ON RADHE MAA’S LOVELY RED LIPS I DIDN’T!”

 

12. You become ravenous

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They call it the munchies.

Everything is edible, even plain bread.

Even that ultra-spicy pickle your mom sent you last summer and you ate half the jar after you smoked marijuana, and now you will have a sore butthole tomorrow morning after pooping.

 

13. Everything is connected

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Everything makes sense, and everything is connected. Every song is the same song and every person is the same person.

And dogs are people and have manipulative personalities.

Far out.

 

14. Dr. Sleep

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The weed finally wears off, and your eyelids become as heavy as Bappi Lahiri. Lol.

You feel peaceful and want to do nothing but crash into the bed, even if it is not made, even if there’s stuff on it because you do not care.

 

15. Dreams

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Oh, the dreams. Vivid and weird. Abstract and absurd. But fabulous dreams.

And the sleep is blissful.

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