Guy Engages In A Hilarious 4-Year-Long Battle To Stop Birds Building Nests On His Property

I know we’re supposed to love all other living beings and everything, but birds are a f**king menace sometimes. They’ll poop on your head, particularly on the day you’ve washed your hair for an important meeting and are already late for work. And sometimes, they’ll fly so low, you won’t know what hit you.

But the WORST has to be when they become uninvited tenants on your property, building their nests and laying eggs in the cosiest nook they can find. It’ll get stinky, and dirty, and those twines and wires they’ve used to build their home, sweet home, are a task to get rid of.

And that’s why I relate with the struggle of this poor Imgur user @atomicrabbit2 on a deeply personal level. This brave, brave man has been fighting a 4-year-long battle with birds building nests on his property and now he’s chronicled it for us to see.

It’s hilarious, first, but eventually, you’ll feel sorry for the poor bugger!

The story starts somewhere in 2014, when he first noticed the birds nesting atop the exhaust. And this knowledge would be his undoing….

“At first I ignored it, but they started shitting and building a nest INSIDE the exhaust.”

What he did next was something any sane person wanting to prevent this nuisance would do….

Unfortunately though, this happened….

And the next day, when the birdie returned, it all looked like it was going to be okay!

“The bird came back the very next day. Cleared it out and they didn’t seem to come back for the rest of the season. Awesome!”

Alas! Said to soon! Birds are quite relentless creatures. And pretty soon, vengeance was theirs!

At the end of almost a year of fighting, the score was Birds: 1. Man: 0.

For a year, those birds enjoyed their luxury stay and had no intentions of vacating their comfy nest! What’s more, they kept adding to their home decor!

And so now, it was time for the human to bring out the big, sharp spiky guns!

And boy, was he excited about this hack working out!

May 2017: Fuck.

July 2017: fuck fuck fuck

I’m starting to feel really sorry for this guy now. He’s trying so hard and it’s not working!

He realised, it was time to go all out, gather all the ammunition and just go for it.

“No more fucking around… Wrapped the entire opening at the top. (iteration 4)”

Ooohhhh NICE! I’m pretty confident about this move. I mean, look at it. It sure appears to be bird proof!

Congrats, man! Time to get real cocky about what you’ve achieved here!

“I’m smarter than you, bitc—“

Yeaaaaaaaaah NOPE.

Now you see here, atomicrabbit2 was a broken, exhausted and hopeless man. He didn’t know what more he could do. His enemy was too strong and smart and despite his huge human brain against their tiny bird brains, he just couldn’t win.

And that, there, is when he decided, it was time to go behind enemy lines. He had to make an alliance with the very species he was trying to battle. And so, in a final ‘Hail Mary’….

Well played, atomicrabbit2. Well played.

And thank Almighty, it worked. Which gave the poor battle-worn soldier some time to catch a breath and fix his previous errors.

“If I see them back next year, I may just give in and try to charge them rent.”

Well, honey, I’ll tell you this from personal experience. Those feathered devils will be back. But unless you’ve got wings of your own, how you gonna catch’em for that rent, haan?