The sucky yet beautiful part of life is that it doesn’t come with a user manual. You can’t just flip through one to see a solution to your problem, it’s not like the legos we used to play with as children, where you could put one and one together to make it function. So, sometimes you find yourself backed up against an imaginary wall.
I say imaginary because it’s a wall of our making. Since we were teeny tiny toddlers, all we’ve seen is our parents, teachers and peers planning. Be it the where you should go to school, how to teach you or even simply what to play during games period. But 9 times out of 10, you don’t study science, you don’t become a professional, you don’t find love at 22 and you don’t live up to your 5-year plan.
When that happens, here’s what you should do before letting your world fall apart,
1. Just stop for a minute
We aren’t all racing to a finish line, your life isn’t waiting at the other end of your 10-year plan, it’s now. So for one minute just breathe, not because it keeps you alive and you have to, but because you want to. Look around you, you’re not alone, there are another million people sailing in the same boat. It’s okay if you’re not where you thought you’d be, but right now you’re here, you’re not going to get to be ‘here’ later, so don’t just exist in the present. Give yourself a chance to live it.
2. Keep your notepad away
Leave that pen and don’t start scribbling another refreshed plan in your head. That is not what life is. Instead, take up that rotation abroad at work, shift into a department that seems interesting or take a chance on the girl you’ve loved for long, don’t think about the years of specialized experience you’ll lose or the fights that in a bigger universe mean nothing. Do what seems right to you, not what seems right to society’s plan for your life that ends at marriage at 26.
3. Do something you’d never do and do it for yourself
Take a vacation, go bungee jumping, drive down to Goa alone and sit by the beach all night, or simply spend the whole day watching movies back to back, because you want to. Break out of the rut, everyone needs some inspiration.
4. Stop rationalizing with yourself
In most situations it works great but trust me, when your plan is flushed down the toilet, chances are this is going to make you feel worse about yourself. So don’t inflict self-torture. Instead, tell yourself how great today is, how awesome your new haircut is and how doing what you’re doing is really rewarding.
5. When they ask you about your plan
Don’t let them see you sweat. It’s not their plan to follow through, it wasn’t theirs to set in the first place, it was yours. When, how and if you complete it, is nobody’s concern, least of all nosy relatives or jealous coworkers. Even the best fall down sometimes, but the real test is picking yourself up from there.
6. Make peace with you
The hardest part is accepting you for who you are, not at your best but at your lowest. No one will tell you how awesome you are when you’re beaten down and reeling from it. It’s your turn to realize no matter what happens, these are just hurdles, from within you’re still the same strong, sensible and considerate person your mom raised you to be.
7. It’s time to believe
You have to restore faith in the universe, karma, god or whatever you believe in because this world isn’t unjust or mean, it’s what you believe it to be. If you think the world is a good place, you will conquer what you’ve set out to do. It’s time to believe that your sheer talent and hard work will get you to the places you want to go.
8. Answer the Questions
Once you’re in a better place and can think straight, think about the vital Whys. Why is a particular thing not working out for you? Why your plan might be flawed? But the most important question is, Do you even want to follow this plan? Think about what you really want.
9. One thing at a time
Don’t go crazy and list a million things in a tree diagram that never ends. Go play by play, start with just one thing. It could be as basic as starting your own blog. Give yourself enough time to complete it, don’t set a limit, just start on a whim. Once you’re happy enough with the first thing, then move on to the next opportunity that presents itself.
10. Know this
You will get distracted, you will take a detour from the necessary, you will definitely fail again but you will never stop trying. Because what you don’t realize is that these breaks you take while studying, those odd internships you did that had nothing to do with the profession you were pursuing, the wrong people you’ve dated, were those stories in your life that you’ll remember and think ‘Damn, I lived a great life’.
Don’t be disheartened, just believe.Â