Over the decades, ‘Feminism’ has had new meanings. It started with women’s fight to gain an education and inherit part of their father’s fortune and then evolved into the fight for voting rights, reproductive rights, gender pay parity, etc. Nowadays, a lot of focus has been put on ‘choice’ – respecting a woman’s choice, be it sexual, educational, professional, or personal.
For example, a woman should be able to work after marriage. A woman should also be able to not work after marriage and focus on taking care of the household. However, when it comes to marriage, the needs and wants of both partners should be aligned. Because no one is liable to take on additional responsibility if they don’t want to and such things should be made clear before marriage.
Here’s a story. One guy took to Reddit’s subreddit r/india to share that his girlfriend of 6 years, whom he is planning to get married to, wants to remain a housewife and not take up a job. He, on the other hand, wants her to work so that both their salaries can help them and their family live a comfortable life.
“Initially, she was very ambitious and passionate but her family wasn’t supportive of her and she gave in to them by choosing not to pursue things she wanted. She has changed and is not ambitious and passionate about things as she was before. She has also become more conservative and traditional and wants to be a stay-at-home wife after marriage,” he wrote.
The guy feels that he doesn’t earn enough to financially take care of the entire family and lead a nice lifestyle. He has tried explaining things to her but she still doesn’t want to work.
“I feel a bit uneasy as I don’t feel I earn enough to have a nice lifestyle for a complete family if I’m the only one bringing the money. All my life I’ve compromised financially and finally I’m at a point where I don’t have to and I don’t want to let go of this freedom. I love her and I’ve explained it all to her. She says that she understands my predicament but she still won’t work because she doesn’t want to learn new things and go out of her comfort zone,” he wrote.
He asked people on Reddit if he is wrong to expect his wife to work and sought advice on what to do next. Here’s a look at the full post.
There were several reactions to the post, many of which properly explained to the guy his choices and the kind of repercussions they entail. Some highlighted that while the woman isn’t wrong to want to remain a stay-at-home wife, his contrasting needs lead to a clash of interests – something that will cause a lot of trouble in their marriage.
For a marriage to truly work, both the partners’ basic thoughts and desires need to align.
Do you want kids?
Where do you stand on savings?
Do you want to live separately or with the family?
I work long hours and might have to travel for work frequently. Will that be a problem?
It’s questions like these that need to be answered before making things official. Honestly, in today’s age, both the husband and wife need to have a job because look how expensive everything is! Don’t you think?