13 Reasons Why You DON’T Need A Girlfriend In Your Life

Who needs girlfriends, man? Who the fuck needs a girlfriend? I mean they are cute, beautiful and cuddly and they give you company in desperate times and are there for you when you need them the most.

Who the hell wants all of that? I do not! It’s absolutely the worst.

I will give you 13 more reasons to NOT have a girlfriend. You would never ever want a girlfriend after this, man.


1. You get more time for yourself

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You can finally catch up with your hobbies and learn a language or just sit in a room one of those days on a Sunday afternoon with nothing to do, and no one to talk to, because everyone has a life and you are just sitting there thinking how awesome and lonely your life is.

I mean, it doesn’t get better than this.

Everyone needs time for themselves. This is how you do it. Sitting in your room, doing nothing.


2. More money for yourself

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Girlfriends are expensive, man. Why would anyone in their right minds spend a lot of money on someone they love, man?

And not to forget those extremely expensive dates where you see those awesome movies and eat that delicious food. You can save all of that money for yourself now, and do the same things with your friends, but yeah, you don’t get to make out in he cinema hall or hold hands over the restaurant table. But that’s cool. Who wants that?


3. You can YOLO more often

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Yeah, I said YOLO. Like going bungee jumping, or camping in the middle of the forest or just jumping off a dam just because. You are as free as a bird, dude.



4. Selfies get more awesome

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Your Instagram account get more selfies! Get a selfie stick too! Take a selfie of yourself with big panorama background with just you in it. Just you and no one else.

Take selfies with food you are eating. Take random selfies with random people. Point is, take a  lot of selfies. Who doesn’t want their pretty duck face liked by 11 people on Facebook?

It’s awesome!


5. You can do all the birdwatching

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You can finally see all the hot girls in the world now, as much as you want. Earlier you had to look elsewhere when you were on a date, but now you can see all that shizz.

You can see that hot girl walking like a gazelle, and then you can watch her get on that motorbike with her boyfriend and drive off. Yeah man, that’s the real deal. Enjoy it.


6. You can live like a pig and no one will notice

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All your underwears are dirty and you just don’t want to do the laundry? Who cares? Just turn them inside out and wear them! No one gives a shit about your hygiene anymore. You can finally lick that plate clean after you are done with your food and pick your nose and flick that dry booger anywhere.

Living the life! Yeah!


7. You get to spend more time with your friends

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Yeah, now you can be the third wheel with your bestie and his girlfriend. Then enjoy your food as your friends girlfriend feeds him food lovingly and suppress the murderous impulse to kill them both. And go to group parties where most people are as couples and then sit in a corner when they start playing games exclusively meant for couples and wonder where you will get that bomb to fucking blow up the room.

It’s awesome!


8. You can finally catch up on the dating sites

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Tinder and Woo and 10 other dating apps, install them all already. Start right swiping like a bitch. No harm done if you don’t get any matches!

Go to the other app, there must be matches there! NO?


But hey, you can still be on those apps, right? It’s awesome.


9. Hello, porn!

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You get to watch all the porn you want. No matter its basically the same shit you have been watching since you were a teen.

You get to watch it as much as you want. Because no one is in your room. You are all alone in your room, and you can do whatever you want.


10. You can watch all those chick flicks you crib about pretending to be masculine

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The Devil Wears Prada, 27 Dresses, The Princess Diaries, Titanic; watch them all and take tissues, so you can bawl your eyes out.

Now you don’t have anyone around! Chick flicks are the best!


11. You can love yourself so much more often

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Wink! Wink!


12. You can flirt with whoever you want.

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Assuming you know how to flirt, you can do it with anyone out there!

What? You are getting responses like,”I have a boyfriend!”

Aww man, tough world man. But hey! You at least get to flirt! Who cares if the person you flirted with found the love of their lives? It’s ok! Enjoy the flirting!


13. Or you can join my “Forever Alone Support Group”

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Whoa! Where did this point come from! I did not put this point in here! Someone erase this point! I do not mean it!

So there you go. Awesome reasons for being without a girlfriend!

I hope you enjoy the “you” time!

*Grabs double cheese popcorn and starts watching Notting Hill *

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