People Online Talk About The Various ‘Pressures’ Desi Parents Put On Them

Accept it – we have all been pressured by our families. Whether it’s about career paths or settling down with the person of our choice, many of us have seen our parents intervening into our personal matters and making things worse. Especially in desi households, where one is expected to have the perfect job, life-partner, and kids by the age of 30, things can get rough.

And people online are discussing exactly that. Many took to Twitter to talk about the various pressures desi parents tend to put on their kids, how they blackmail them into doing what they want, and how they use “I gave birth to you” as an excuse of having things done their way. Have a look:

1.

Parents, please don’t remind your kids that you brought them into this world, feed them, clothe them as an argument to listen to you. Kids were not asked to be born, and taking care of them is the absolute bare minimum. Our culture tries to put parents on a pedestal, asking for

— Omar Bazza (@bazzapower) July 18, 2020

respect and devotion even when it is not deserved. Respect is mutual and kids are humans who deserve to be respected. A one way expectation of respect, while violating their autonomy and identity will only lead to resentment and mental health issues later in life.

— Omar Bazza (@bazzapower) July 18, 2020

2.

Indian women over 30 who are not legally married, or are divorced, or happily single by choice feel a constant neverending pressure from every possible quarter. It’s bizarre and absolutely unacceptable, yet it is inescapable for most. And it absolutely cannot be normalised.

— Koval (@kovalbhatia) July 18, 2020

If your parents or extended family are putting emotional or verbal pressure on you and making the age 30 some kind of goalpost, they are being patriarchal, and wrong. I have so many friends who got married in their twenties and are divorced now. Coz so much has changed

— Koval (@kovalbhatia) July 18, 2020

3.

https://twitter.com/fussyphus/status/1284350456345444352

4.

These are the same parents who in their old age demonize their adult children not taking care of them. Society demonizes them as well. No one considers the trauma that may be preventing them. https://t.co/nCZninMqrU

— Dosheeza in Distress (@Verbal_Diary) July 18, 2020

5.

So true. A lot of parents use this argument to get their daughters married to the person of their choice. What's sad is many of the kids are also brainwashed to believe that being born is a privilege in itself which gives the parents the right to control their life. 🤦 https://t.co/y01e2oooCb

— Ridhima Shukla (@RidhimaShukla7) July 18, 2020

3.

I don't understand parents who feel like their kids "owe" them something because they were given birth to, do you really think it's a privilege to have been born, given everything???? https://t.co/Hu9XbkRFtM

— Sukanya (@sukhibhel) July 18, 2020

4.

one time i got mad and made this argument and my mom said “who asked YOU to be born” bye https://t.co/qwrNcfOqbA

— toxic femininity🔮🌙 (@khudkhushi69) July 18, 2020

5.

Ah. If I tell my parents this, I’ll hear about how much they’ve done for me, again 🤦‍♀️

Forgive me, if it hurts anyone around here, but desi parenting is mostly toxic. And don’t mistake me, I love my parents to bits, but they toxic af about a lot of stuff. https://t.co/42pUVcEcXz

— Just A Citizen (@ks_NotANiceGirl) July 18, 2020

6.

"I brought you into this world. This is the least you can do for me", is a line I often use in jest (for stuff like 'make me coffee, please').
"I never asked you to", my kids are quick to remind me.

I've taught them well. Bringing kids into the world is a choice, not a favour. https://t.co/2v8xAkJQfr

— Natasha Ramarathnam🌈 ‏ نتاشا رامارتنم (@nuts2406) July 18, 2020

7.

There’s a powerful scene in Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner (1967), where Sidney Poitier is talking to his Dad who is emotionally blackmailing him to oppose his son’s interracial marriage- Poitier finally blows up and says “I owe you NOTHING!” Read this 👇🏻 https://t.co/xCP9ttr851

— Abha Thapliyal (@abbyness92) July 18, 2020

8.

My answer to this as a child was always – but I didn’t ask to be born! https://t.co/IKUxnIq0YW

— Aparna Jain (@Aparna) July 18, 2020

9.

Every freaking day. Part of our diet it seems. Never goes a day where we’re reminded all the comfort is for you. I want to cry. https://t.co/gB9arwtZwC

— urbanomed🏳️‍🌈 (@udhan_khatola) July 18, 2020

10.

Literally.this issue needs to adress. Seriously desi parents blackmail you at every single matter, marriage, career choices, and for girls izzat k hifazat b… It sucks so bad…they always want to control children. Never want to respect their decisions.

— instantkarma (@ShanzaayA) July 18, 2020

11.

My folks' favourite line to me when I was growing up (which was stolen from the sitcom, ironically, called Growing Pains, I think):

I BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS WORLD AND I CAN TAKE YOU OUT

this is part of why I am in therapy in my 30s 🤷‍♀️

— ChampionOfTheUnderdoggos ❤🐕🇮🇳🐩🏳️‍🌈 Sequeira (@HailMotherOfDog) July 18, 2020

12.

How relatable is the Situation Of Youngsters Around! This Lockdown don't looked like it's For Corona🧐 But more for Cheap Marriages, fixed in Hurry just to Save money 😒 Those who aren't in a Position to marry now are demeaned! https://t.co/6ofc83L3L2

— Nisha Puttagowri (@Nisha_gowru) July 18, 2020

Nobody is denying how much our parents have done for us, sacrificed for us. But to use that as an excuse to rob kids of their life-choices and their happiness and to impose unnecessary pressure on them is unfair and shouldn’t be tolerated.

Kids shouldn’t have to bear their parents’ unrealistic expectations on their shoulders. It could break them to an extent where they don’t see family as a family anymore.