In most Indian households, you will find mothers and grandmothers asking young girls in the family to learn how to cook and perform household chores in a bid to make them marriage material. The guys, on the other hand, are fed and not made to enter the kitchen because it’s apparently not a place for them. Cooking is presented as a gender role, a skill necessary for women to look after the household and not a basic survival skill meant for all people, irrespective of gender and age.
Indian women took to Twitter to share how they rebelled against learning how to cook when the elders in their house told them to because it was presented as a gender role, something that women ought to learn, and not because it’s a practical necessity.
The conversation began when a woman who goes by the Twitter username @smishdesigns wrote that she was told that knowing or not knowing how to cook would dictate her worth in the “marriage market” and hence, she didn’t learn it.
I rebelled so much against learning how to cook growing up because it would dictate my worth in the marriage market accordingly. Important life skill I missed upon because it was not presented to me for my own survival in the world but to feed the stomach of a man child.
— smishdesigns (@smishdesigns) January 18, 2023
Similarly, several other women revealed that not learning how to cook was kind of a protest for them against patriarchal practices because their mothers and grandmothers used to tell them that eventually, they’ll have to feed their in-laws.
I am a 90’s kid , riding the wave of feminism I entered an altercation with my mom, who happnes to be a working woman as well . She sat me down and told me that , beta ecen if you are a CEO it is basic life skill to learn basic cooking to fend for yourself when you are 1/2
— हर्षिता (@Harshit09182551) January 18, 2023
Alone due to any circumstance , and if you are cooking a portion you and always add a lil more to make it enough for two . That is true independence. But if you as me to prepare a elaborate lunch during my weekdays , it is exploitation .You are treading thin line between 2/3
— हर्षिता (@Harshit09182551) January 18, 2023
I was awestruck at her approach towards practicality in life . Women have it tough , but you have to fight it with your strength which ironically is “Resilient and passive” , men in household don’t even know she is the winner . But SHE KNOWS !
— हर्षिता (@Harshit09182551) January 18, 2023
Exactly same. Maine bhi humesha isiliye nahi learn kiya. But it’s a great skill but it was presented to us to fill a man’s stomach.
— Jagisha Arora (@jagishaarora) January 18, 2023
It wasn’t presented to me as anything at all but was such a stark gender role that I didn’t bother. Not a hard life skill, actually. Lived abroad for a few years, recipe blogs helped. Cooked up storms as did the husband. But given a choice, I know for sure I’d rather not do it.
— Tamanna (@tamanna_0801) January 18, 2023
It’s never too late. I moved countries for my job while family stayed in India. Now I do all my cooking, cleaning myself. Yes it’s a lifeskill and can be picked up by ppl with receding hairline.
— aseem sharma (@aseemsharma) January 19, 2023
Happened with me too. But I also discovered that when need arises one can rise up to the moment and get stuff done. I can cook now.
— Rupal Srivastava (@rupalsriv) January 18, 2023
Ditto…..
Mujhe chidd thi jab dadi bolti thi….”agle ghar jana hai khana banana seekh lo”
Is chakkar mai cooking seekhi hi nhi…
But Today i realise cooking is essential life skill… everybody should learn…— Neha chaudhary (@bansalnat5680) January 18, 2023
Exactly I feel. I rebelled to learn as it was presented as a gender role and I didn’t want to surrender to gender roles.
— Manju CHoudhary (@manjuch059) January 18, 2023
Uffff same. Learning how to cook for myself now in my mid 20s🥰
— 0.o (@kyokominion) January 18, 2023
TBH cooking didn’t feel like a difficult skill to learn in my late 20s. It’s ‘cooking for others’ which is tough. I can happily eat whatever I cook. Cooking for my partner/friends on the other hand is another animal altogether.
— Vrigu (@vrigu) January 18, 2023
Thankfully, there were a couple of women who came from families that taught them that knowing how to cook is necessary in case they had to live alone in different cities for education and work.
On the other hand my mom used to say “You would have to live alone in Hostels and Employee Quarters don’t die of hunger learn cooking and eat whatever you feel like because outside food far from our homeland is not fulfilling at all. I m happy and Cook every Friday cook🍺.
— NamakkaDaroga (@KANNU6688) January 19, 2023
I’m very lucky about that. Cooking was never a taboo in my family, all men in the paternal side cook(at least basic dishes), I’m cooking since I was 13 and it is kind of a stress buster for me 🙂
— Prachi (@PrachiieS) January 18, 2023
Conversely I was never let into the kitchen as a child because my mother would handle everything, and now I’m a grown up who thinks cooking is a chore. It sucks how this basic life skill isn’t something that is taught seriously during childhood
— Ajeeth Rajesh (@AjeethRajesh) January 18, 2023
Everyone belongs in the kitchen. It’s where you get all the food!