If you think about it, our society has very twisted ideas about love. A mother is supposed to go out of her way to care for the family despite her deteriorating health, a wife is supposed to forgive her husband for his abusive behavior, kids are supposed to respect elders even when they aren’t respect-worthy – these ideas sound unfair but they are firmly established in our mindset.
For example, one girl took to Twitter to claim that the day before her aunt was to undergo an operation for her breast cancer, she spent the entire day cooking for her family. She was basically stocking up on the food so her family could eat on the days she’d be recovering.
My khala is getting operated for breast cancer tomorrow & she has spent the whole day cooking dishes so her family has something to eat till she recovers in the next few days. Sounds very dystopian but this is what’s expected of women here & they don’t even object.
— Alishba (@alishbabrar) January 11, 2022
As the tweet went viral, it gathered two different types of reactions from people online – one set of people believed that whatever she did, she did it out of love for her family.
It’s not what people expect her to do.. its her loving and caring nature. I’ve seen white and black ladies doing such things for their family too. We don’t have to bring a negative aspect in everything sweetheart.
— fouzia 🇵🇰 (@Choesahaiba47) January 11, 2022
Again, u r failing to see the woman’s love n care for her family. She might have peace of mind that things r taken care of. Sometimes its genuinely someone’s care n not force. If its expected from her, then it’s unethical and wrong. If she is doing out of love, family must help.
— MS (@_messy_boy) January 11, 2022
What if she’s feeling sad and don’t know what will happen next, and wanted to cook for her family with love. 🙁
Been through similar kind of this situation so saying this.
There could be anything.— Dilnasheen (@abayyaaaar) January 11, 2022
Sometimes it’s their love, devotion, sense of duty, care, motherly nature too. Yes, some families might expect, but most won’t.
My mother behaves the same way even though she knows I enjoy cooking, but if she is visiting her siblings, she’ll cook few days worth of food…— MS (@_messy_boy) January 11, 2022
See this is the real problem with this generation and generation of ur khala.What she did was out of love she has for her children’s and what you are doing is showing her love and affection as torcher by her family member.Btw if u get time from dis drama pray for her health👍🏻
— abhishek agrawal (@agrawalabhishe2) January 11, 2022
Another set of people urged others to not romanticise this behavior. Many highlighted how this wasn’t “love” and that women shouldn’t be burdened with household chores in the name of ‘love’ or ‘care’, especially when they are unwell and need to rest.
Having to tend to domestic chores while recovering from breast cancer is not love.
Any family that expects and celebrates this is not practicing love,but abuse.
You speak as if women here aren’t killed for not heating food.
Stop sweeping everything under the rug,sweetheart. pic.twitter.com/kw4nJ4ZQBh— toofani-badtameezi (@thesedcat) January 11, 2022
We should not romanticed this ever, being over burdened and over worked in the name of love should be discouraged.
— Mahnoor Qureshi (@Mahnurqureshi) January 11, 2022
I cooked food same day after miscarriage of eleven weeks gestation and breakfast next morning after preterm delivery of 28 weeks(child survived for few hours). No one bothered.
— 1q (@1q97355014) January 11, 2022
Like it or not, women in our patriarchal society are adapted to fulfill a role of a comfort provider very much happily. Having said that, women willingly or unwillingly ‘expect’ the family, especially male members to remain in need of her for different reasons.
— Starving Soul (@nothingness_meh) January 11, 2022
I did not allowed my wife to enter kitchen for whole 2 years after she was diagnosed with late stage 3 breast cancer. She had 3 surgeries, chemo & radiation. While taking care of her I became a master chef in my own rights.
— Saifee (@EkFakeeri) January 12, 2022
They’re brainwashed into thinking that theres nth wrong with this. Even if you tell them how fundamentally disturbed it is, they’d deny that. Unfortunately, thats how brown women are raised; in an inherent patriarchal manner.
— Ariha Fatimah⁷ Paints (Taylor’s Version) (@arihafatimah) January 11, 2022
Women are being moulded by society into caregivers through sustained propoganda
Little has changed despite all Advancement's— 👣 (@renishdr) January 12, 2022
Brown men justifying this in the comment section🥴 this is not just her showing her “love” towards the family. Men in our culture are so incapable of cooking and cleaning after themselves that a sick woman is slaving away in the kitchen to prepare food for them.
— 𝘬𝘢𝘺 (@kaykotta) January 12, 2022
Imagine that you’re supposed to have a major operation tomorrow. Would you rather rest and settle your mind than spend your time doing household chores?