I was recently speaking to a friend of mine who is in a ‘situationship’ with a guy. The issue with them is that their differences are very basic, one of them being that she is a non-vegetarian while he is a vegetarian. While this isn’t an issue for many couples, in this case, the guy ended up telling her, “I’ll turn you into a vegetarian.”
She asked him to F-off.
For generations, women have been controlled. Often the methods to control them were blatant. Often they were subtle.
That top is too skin-tight. Please change it.
Don’t eat that.
I don’t like that friend of yours. Please stop talking to them.
Why didn’t you tell me where you were going?
I don’t like makeup. Please don’t use it.
Let me check your phone.
I don’t like girls who drink.
These are just some of the many things women have to hear on a daily basis from the men in their lives, especially those with whom they share a romantic relationship. To keep things straight – this is what control looks like. This is not love. This is not concern. This is control which many people will try to disguise as ‘love’ or ‘concern’.
At first, these demands may appear small, inconsequential and harmless. But they continue to grow in the long run. A small ‘demand’ agreed upon today breeds the audacity to make unrealistic and unequal demands tomorrow. This is the lived experience of a large chunk of women in the world.
So when Alia Bhatt recently revealed that she applies lipstick and then rubs it off because her husband Ranbir Kapoor doesn’t like it and prefers the natural colours of her lips, many women were concerned for her.
View this post on Instagram
Here is a look at the video wherein she reveals this detail:
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A lot of people might say that those complaining about it are blowing things out of proportion and it is ‘okay’ to give in to your partner’s likes and dislikes and they talk about them having a ‘loving relationship’. However, their idea of ‘love’ might not be ideal.
alia bhatt saying that ranbir kapoor hated her w lipstick so everytime they went on a date he’d ask her to wipe it off is so ???? im sorry if a man told me how to and how not to wear makeup i would acc dump his ass
— ـ (@sharisfafi) August 15, 2023
ranbir is one of those toxic men who finally settle with much younger women they can easily manipulate. she might be happy doing whatever he wants but it’s still a sad situation esp with her background https://t.co/g7qk9oYLmf
— ⚡️ (@darksisterI) August 15, 2023
Ranbir kapoor is a walking red flag
Ps – Its more than just this lipstick thing. Man is a serial dater and has issues with a lot of stuff that alia did. https://t.co/55ui33otVd— Harman 🌿🍃 (@pixies_dust) August 16, 2023
The last time I tweeted about this guy – a lot of people wished I would die and also that I could never have kids – so I’ll chose my words carefully: Ranbir Kapoor sucksssssss and he got mad mad mad lucky this talented woman for some reason is doing charity with him he suckkssss https://t.co/bt2QJ9Pwry
— Sabah Bano Malik (@sabahbanomalik) August 16, 2023
Maybe Alia doesn't think twice when Ranbir asks her to wipe off 4K lipstick because she can afford a 4 lakh one, a normal middle class woman would've said "chal, gaand marana lavde" at the first instance, maybe it's her privilege that makes her blind.
— blurry🍥 (@pu777u) August 17, 2023
I guess the problem isn't removing the lipstick but the tone at which he was telling her.
If Alia mimicked Ranbir exactly, it definitely sounds rude and controlling instead of loving or requesting her. https://t.co/kZ1hugUgSN
— ~ek naari (@driedpetrichor) August 16, 2023
this alia-ranbir lipstick incident reminded me of a dude who i wasn't even dating, but wanted to decide what i wore and what i didn't xd. "nosepin mat pehna karo mujhe achhi nahi lagti" bhai tu hai kaun?
— goodgalriri (@wastedasff) August 17, 2023
absolutely nothing that i've learned about this relationship seems okay to me. this guy bodyshamed her while she was pregnant with his child, she constantly points out misogynistic things he does, while laughing and pretending like it's normal https://t.co/nyK9W1hwW7
— soup 🙂 (@notagirlbos) August 16, 2023
Typically men saying what's the problem. The problem is this doesn't end at wiping off the lipstick. This wouldn't stop until her entire personality is wiped off because he doesn't like something or the other. https://t.co/kwUiD0eXgW
— Sheetal Sakpal (@sheetal_bsakpal) August 16, 2023
Controlling behavior often involves trying to exert power or dominance over another person which creates an imbalance in a relationship. This can manifest in various ways, like dictating what the other person should wear, who they can spend time with, or what activities they can engage in. If a person consistently disregards the other person’s feelings, opinions, and autonomy, it could be a red flag for controlling behavior.
However, here is an alternative perspective.
Every relationship is unique. What is acceptable for one couple might be unacceptable to another. Relationships are often built on mutual communication, compromise and respect where both partners communicate their needs and preferences without the fear of being pressured.
In this case, Ranbir Kapoor prefers Alia Bhatt’s natural lip colour. He communicated it to her. She made a compromise.
We do not know about the kind of compromises Ranbir probably made for Alia because that information is not out in the open. So to blatantly brand him as ‘toxic’ or ‘problematic’ or ‘controlling’ seems a bit unfair, isn’t it, considering the lack of information?