5 Reasons Why I Hate Traveling As Much As Batman Hates The Joker

There are only a few things that I really love to do: eat, sleep, work, watch movies & partake in some extra-curricular activities (if you know what I mean). Everything else that I have to do feels like a part of the job that’s called living. And this particular combination hasn’t happened over a day. It has taken years of assessment and experimentation to create a hassle-free schedule.

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Now, many people reach the last lap of their life and they never get to know what irritated them so much that they became so senile. I, on the other hand, have figured it out. It’s traveling. I hate it so much that I actively try to avoid it because it messes with my mojo.

After being taken to multiple yatras and vacation trips, I find traveling to be the only thing in this entire godforsaken world that I despise. And here’s 5 specific reasons why:

1. It’s bloody risky!

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I know what you’re thinking. Everything’s risky if you think of it. The walls can collapse. The food can be poisoned. But what are the chances of that compared to traveling at 60 kmph on shoddy roads populated by cars driven by absolute amateurs? And what’s so “exciting” about driving through mountains with nothing stopping you from toppling down the side?

2. Every trip turns into an ego-measuring contest.

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If you’ve traveled enough in groups, you’ll know what I’m talking about. There’s always someone who wants to take charge and decide what we’ve to eat or carry. That adds to the already building irritation of sitting in a vehicle for hours. And as soon as someone (apart from the “Supreme Leader”) voices their opinion, the car stops midway leading to a contest on who can talk more loudly.

3. The locals are always trying to rip you off.

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Traveling somewhere means that you have to trust what the locals are saying or what they’re selling. And 90% of the time, they’re trying to rip you off. If you’ve to pick up some local stuff for the road, they’ll always try to sell it to you at exorbitant prices because they can. In addition to that, if you avail the local vehicles to travel within a state or area, they’ll empty your pockets faster than you can say “but why’s it so expensive?”.

4. I don’t like to drink during a trip.

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According to my limited knowledge, we visit a place to see its beauty, history, people and take back the experience we had. Now, when you add a few bottles of drinks to that, all you’ll remember is the stench of alcohol. So, now you’ve wasted money on traveling and on a product that’ll eventually come out of one of your orifices? Tell me again why it’s a good idea?

5. It’s goddamn tiring!

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By now you might’ve realised I’m very lazy. But can you look me straight in the eye and tell that you have the energy to go on a hike, a trip to the bazaar and do sightseeing after a train or plane journey? I’d rather go to one place and relax, rather than do all that I just mentioned. But apparently the correct way to spend a vacation is by exhausting yourself more than you do during your regular life.

In conclusion, I’m waiting till mankind invents those auto-driven floating cars from ‘Blade Runner 2049‘ which will take me anywhere while I relax, only to reach my destination to relax some more.

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Until then, I’ll be here with my tub of chicken-wings, bottle of cola and an assortment of movies to watch.

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