Yes, it’s time to claim our bathroom supremacy. As a country, we are doing great on all fronts, so why leave the inane everyday bathroom behind. Here are 15 reasons why the Indian bathroom is the best in the world.
Haters gonna hate. 😛
1. We have bucket baths
Forget showers or tubs. They’re for the environmentally profligate.
2. Bottles of Ayurvedic oil on the window ledge
From head-lice to constipation, joint pains to embarrassing itches – there’s an Ayurvedic oil for every human distress. Lined up on window ledges, an assemblage of bottles in assorted shapes and sizes.
3. Squatty Potties
Global medical opinion confirms that this way you’ll never get colon cancer!
4. We never run out of toiletries, coz we share them
There’s a shelf where shampoos, soaps, etc are stored. You take what you want, never mind who’s used it before, who’s going to use it after. West, it’s called dosti & pyaar, tum nahi samjhoge.
5. Trying out new hairdos during hour-long shampoo sessions
There’s more fun going from black hair to white than blonde to white. 😉
6. Granite stone in the bathing area
Since we’re barefoot inside the house a lot, we need to scrub the soles of our feet whenever we enter a bathroom. A slab of granite is thoughtfully embedded into bathroom floors by most builders for this essential purpose. #WIN
7. Not opening your mouth while sitting on the toilet
Apart from preventing foul odors from entering our mouth, we get to spend quality time ruminating deep philosophical ideas. That’s the reason Indians are so talented. 😛
8. No screens or shower curtains
Chances of tripping over the shower curtain and strangle to death: NIL
Chances of slipping on the wet floor: Oops
9. But we have Floor Wipers to the rescue
Helps us keep the floor dry by pushing the flood towards the little drain-hole. And also acts as a prop (a microphone handle) for the bathroom singer in you.
10. We can manage without a toothbrush too
In worst case, we’ve our index finger to the rescue. The tool isn’t important, but those violent retching, spewing, spitting, regurgitating, upchucking, heaving, gagging sounds from behind a bathroom door is.
11. Steel tongue cleaners
Absolutely useless and disgusting tool for mouth sanitation. Extremely useful weapon of choice to throw at thieves and robbers.
12. We have got Bathroom only Hawaii Chappals
..to slosh about inside our wet bathroom. Never worn anywhere else.
13. Row of hooks on the back of the door
Want to peek inside your potential groom before marriage. Look at the back of the door for fluorescent green underwear, moldy towels etc. Instant personality check.
14. We have ‘Pressure’ inducing beverages
From black tea, coffee to filter kaapi, we’ve an array of choices to kickstart the intestinal movement lovingly called, “Pressure aya hai”. Bhaag Milkha Bhaag.
15. Finally, the best reason is that we have MUGS
MUG > PAPER, if you know what I mean.
I rest my case.