10 Signs You’re Too Old For A Nightclub

We’ve all been there and done that. We’ve gone wearing our best, we’ve peaked into the bathroom to see vomit splattered everywhere, we’ve heard the EDM music and we’ve paid our month’s rent on a glass of ANYTHING.

And after a couple of trips down that GREAT nightclub experience you gotta stop and think, ‘ Am I too old for this shit?’

Well, it’s simple, if you sense one or all of the signs below, don’t get stamped!

1. The words ‘Let’s go clubbing tonight’ haunt you in your sleep

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If you feel the urge to punch someone in the face each time they say clubbing, it’s safe to say you are not a ‘Clubber’.

 

2. You spend most of your time walking around with a beer saying excuse me

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‘Er, excuse me ma’am I know your boyfriend’s tongue fascinates you, but could you please move over’, if that’s you with the beer get out of there, if the boyfriend is you, well done!

 

3. You’re the weirdo at the bar trying to make conversation with the bartender.

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Seriously stop trying to make friends with the bartender and telling him all about your gas problems. It’s not pretty.

 

4. When someone says ‘Excuse me, aunty/uncle, can you order at the bar for me?’

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*Try to vanish into thin air*

 

5. When you find yourself  pulling down girls dancing on the table and follow that up with a life lesson

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‘ This isn’t the age to drink yourself silly, you need to work on your career!’ those are not the words of a someone who majors in partying, this is not your scene bruv!

 

6. When you take out a hand sanitizer as an immediate response to touching anything in the club.

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If you’re wiping the bar snacks with a tissue paper, you feel the urge to clean your hands each time you touch a table, a wall or a person, you know you’re too clean for this scene.

 

7.  You chat up someone saying ‘ What do you think life is about?’

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If you want to talk about the philosophy of life, your ideas and plans, you’re in the wrong club. Try speed dating instead. All you’re going to get is ‘Life is a partaayyy, dude!’.

 

8. You spend most of your time trying not to be in random people’s Snapchat story.

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You really don’t want to be the guy in the far corner creepily looking into the camera while a group of people takes a Snapchat. There are social rules for that shit!

 

9.  If you think shot is just a cool way of saying short.

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If you believe in sipping your drink with three cubes of ice, you need to take the party to a lounge. If you choose to stay, embrace the tequila.

 

10. You spend an insurmountable time staring at the cool lights instead of dancing.

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You’re busy observing the disco lights while making awkward hand movements, somewhat resembling Bappi Lahiri, then it’s time to wrap up the dance routine.

But always remember, the party animal never dies.

So no matter what your age,

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