Dear Women, If You Keep Ending Up With Men Who Fail To Respect You, This Is For You

Let me state a fact before writing anything. I have come across a lot of articles on the internet explaining why women get attracted to ‘bad boys’ and friendzone all the good guys because of their ovaries and hormones. This little piece of my experience isn’t based on that at all. It’s not about attracting a certain kind of men. It’s about attracting a certain facet of their personality.

I believe that there’s good in every person out there, but the circumstances, the people and the energies around them lead them to behave in a certain manner. Like there is the potential for good in every person, there’s a lot of potential for bad too. A very wise man once said that the only person you can actually change in this entire world is you. Now, if you have repeatedly faced relationship problems and tried to change the guy, let me tell you that he isn’t going to change. But there are some changes that you can bring within yourself.

Don’t, for once, think about it as me advising you to change yourself for a man. When you are in a relationship with someone who doesn’t treat you right, the first thing you have to do is get out of it. But, there are some things you need to understand before you jump into another relationship.

1. You DO NOT need a man to be happy in your life. Please make yourself understand that.

Wanting to be with someone to share your joys and sorrows with is one thing, and wanting someone because you can’t live alone is another. I am not discouraging you to fall in love because believe me, love is the most beautiful thing that can happen to anyone. But, don’t seek it desperately, for any emotion that is forced is not love. You as an individual should feel complete on your own, because only then you will like someone for who they are, not for how complete and less lonely they make you feel.

 

2. Ask yourself what is your opinion of yourself, because that is what the other person will ultimately think of you.

I won’t tell you to ‘love yourself’ because I have seen people taking it too seriously and indulging in useless narcissism. But, at least have faith in who you are. Find out your identity. For 1 minute, think about a world without any men in your life, without any of their influence on your choices, and then think what do you like. What is your passion? What makes you smile? What makes you cry? What do YOU want to do?

Build up on that identity and become the person you are. Have faith in your choices and decisions and be proud of your achievements. Work on yourself, and then any person you attract will fall in love with YOU, not his version of you.

 

3. Don’t be afraid to walk out if things fall apart again. You should not make any compromises when it comes to your happiness.

Even if you are a sorted, strong and independent woman, things can go wrong sometimes. Do not think twice before getting out of the relationship. Your age, or the number of times it has gone wrong before, should not matter at all. You can’t settle for something terrible just because you don’t have the energy to power through again.

 

4. You need to spend some time alone after a relationship instead of immediately getting into another one.

When you get out of a relationship, you are weak and vulnerable. At that moment of your life, any company seems extremely comforting. And, because you try and find a very secure place in that relationship, you will find it hard to get out despite being treated badly. After the break-up, give some time to yourself. You need to reflect on why did the last relationship end. You need to spend time with yourself and become more self-aware.

 

5. Equality is very important in a relationship, and if your partner doesn’t see you as an equal and you are ok with it, then this pattern will repeat itself.

Be it your career, financial decisions, family matters or personal opinions; you should have an equal say in everything. If the dynamics of your relationship is not balanced, and any person’s opinion is not taken seriously at all, then it’s not healthy. You have to be sure that your opinions are not brushed aside. This will lead you to think that you always need someone else’s opinion before taking decisions which will make you emotionally dependent on the other person.

While it’s very healthy to take advice, do not become dependent on something like this.

 

6. You have to get over the fear of losing him if something happens.

Fear, of any kind, just cripples a human being. This feeling will only make you compromise. If you are plagued by this fear in all your relationships, then the other person is bound to take advantage of it, or at least take you for granted.

 

7. If you have been changing yourself for the other person’s happiness, you have to immediately stop.

It can start from small things like what you wear to big things like your friends. If you are ‘open to changing yourself’ in any of your relationships, then the person will never accept you for who you are. Or worse, you will forget who you are. It’s nice to take suggestions and be open to improvements, otherwise, you won’t grow in a relationship, but then it’s never one sided.

If there has been a pattern in the kind of behaviour you have been getting from the guys, then it’s time to do some introspection. Make yourself so strong that nothing can touch your self-respect. Believe in yourself. Reach your absolute happiness, because a happy soul can only attract another happy soul.

Don’t worry. Love is out there. You don’t have to chase it. You just have to break the pattern.

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