12 Reasons Why You Should Smoke Today, The World No Tobacco Day

There is no better feeling than getting up in the middle of the night, gasping for air, even though all the windows of your bedroom are open, and a light and cool draft of air is breezing in.

Oh! The feeling of fucked up lungs, the raspy noise when you inhale and the unstoppable coughing right after!

Then, to settle it down, that magnificent magic stick – lighting up its end and inhaling the deadly smoke, in the fresh air of the balcony.

The stuff of dreams, smoking is. Here are more reasons why it is the stuff of dreams –

1. There is no better bonding between friends than passing on the stick that is basically poison.

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“Yeah, you take some of that poison!”

“Here! It is your turn now!”

Such friendship goals! Also, who would not want their friendship founded upon a stick that gives both of them cancer! It is the best thing!

 

2. Who wants to breathe freely, when your lungs make a lot of sound when you breathe in!

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That’s how you know you are alive! When you have to make an effort to breathe!

 

3. Also, spitting out normal cough is for losers, spitting out blood in cough is the IN thing. Be cool, have some of that lung blood in your cough!

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Make your phlegm colorful.

 

4. Why have the joys of having a perfect smile, when you can have yellow and eroded teeth? That smile has character, man!

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Mmmmmmmm. Sexy!

 

5. Who wants to last more than 2 minutes while having sex? Premature ejaculation is the way to go.

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Also, after you came too early, satisfy your girl with some of that lovely cigarettes! What a perfect, loving couple!

 

6. And who’s going to spend your life savings? You’re not going to take it to your graves, would you? So spend it lavishly on your chemotherapy. Cheers!

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When funerals get too honest.

 

7. Also, who wants to remain alive after 60, you’re done and dusted. Smoke and die early..naturally

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Live life to the fullest meant smoke a lot of cigarettes!

 

8. If you’re not making your kids passive smokers, how would they appreciate cigarettes when they grow up? Start today, why delay?

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Because they should learn the good things too.

 

9. Why do charity when you are making the careers of cancer specialist doctors, ad agencies, Government workers indirectly.

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Such social work. Much good.

 

10. Also, walking to the cigarette shop every time you have a craving is a good exercise!

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Panwaale bhaiya being your cancer wingman since 2006.

 

11. Who wants to poop without any dependency? It is cool to poop only after you have smoked a cigarette.

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The smoke also masks the horrible smell of your poop! Win-win!

 

12. Also, everyone loves the smell that comes out of your mouth after you have smoked. Why do people take mints after? I do not understand!

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That smell is like an aphrodisiac!

I do not understand why we celebrate a No Tobacco day!

There should be a World Smoking Day. Oh wait, we do have that.

It’s called Cancer Awareness Day.

Makes sense.

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