People meet, interact, fall in love, get married, fall apart, become known-strangers.
Sometimes things go awry between two people and relationships end. People fall apart after discovering their partner’s true personality. Wouldn’t it be nice and really practical if you got to know about your partner’s personality and traits before saying ‘I do’ or taking those ‘saath pheras’?
What if we told you there’s a litmus test and you can find out if your partner would stand the test of time? In a Quora thread discussing, “What is the fastest way to learn about your partner’s true personality before getting married?” Elizabeth Muller has the most logical response.
The best way to learn what your partner is really like before getting married is to put yourselves into a high-stress environment where you will need to work together over a period of at least a few days in order to succeed.
My dad (Richard Muller) likes to talk about the “backpacking test”. I was required to do this before I got married. This is where you go out into the wilderness for a few days, carrying all your food, equipment, and anything else you may need. You can go to some of the most beautiful and remote places in the world, but something is always bound to go wrong. You will be able to see how your partner responds when things get stressful, and how the two of you work together to find a solution. Things that have happened to me while backpacking include:
- Bears stealing our food (the worst was when they took our cheese and chocolate!)
- Getting attacked by millions of mosquitos (there were so thick you couldn’t breathe without breathing in a mosquito)
- Unexpected torrential thunderstorms
- Someone getting blisters or another minor injury
After going backpacking for a few days, you may decide that you no longer want to be with that person – or you may find that you are so grateful for how they responded under pressure that you are even more in love with them.
A friend has a similar test, but she calls it the “taking-a-trip-to-Italy-without-making-any-hotel-reservations test”. Same concept – by creating a stressful environment, you will get to see how your partner reacts when things get tough.
A few years ago there was a reality TV show that did a great job of putting new couples through such a test. It was called “Love in the Wild”, and I was a fan (though it was cancelled after two seasons). Most couples on the show fell apart very quickly, and it was fascinating to see how people were initially attracted to one another, but then started hating each other as they discovered that they couldn’t work together to build a raft (or whatever). The couples that were able to work together ended up having very strong relationships, and I think some of them got married after the show.
So do something stressful with your partner. Ideally it should last for at least a few days, and potentially bring out the worst in you both.
The “stress-environment-test” sure sounds pretty logical and bears practical results. So let us know what you are trying on your partner?