Sexuality is a sensitive issue and people get offended even at the mention of it. And, especially in India, because of our “sanskars” one can’t be bisexual. Actually there is no concept of bisexuality (Hopefully, the intended sarcasm comes across). But what about the acceptance outside India?
Parents have a hard time wrapping their heads around their kids being gay. And it’s really hard for them to come to terms with their children’s sexuality. But some parents are real supportive, barring a few.
A concerned mom on Quora asked what she should do about her 16-year-old daughter coming out as bisexual to her. She even said that her daughter has been,
“Seeing a girl in her class for a month or so now. I want her to have a traditional life with a husband and kids. I’ve forbidden her from seeing the girl for an indefinite period of time. What else should I do?”
And, the replies she got were very enlightening.
1. This user pointed out her “repressive” move.
Moral issues aside (which others have already discussed), your approach to solving the “problem” is counter-productive.
The best way to bring people together is to try and tear them apart. You’re only going to make their relationship stronger by keeping your daughter away from this girl because now it gives them something to fight for that is novel, exciting, and even “noble” to pursue. You know, young love. True love. All that jazz.
It’s love, right? At least, she thinks it is and she would believe that whether it was a boy or a girl on the receiving end of her feelings. When people feel like they love someone and are separated from them against their will, that love only grows stronger.
Your daughter is going to have feelings no matter what so you should let her experience and explore them. Repression will only make her rebel and then it won’t matter what she actually feels; she’ll just be *responding* to the repression (or oppression).
Also, if you are concerned about her being sexually active then you should talk with her about sexually transmitted diseases. You can still get herpes, hpv, and STIs from oral sex so please make sure she understands that. A lot of people of all ages don’t seem to know so you need to make it really really clear.
2. What does “traditional life” mean anyway?
Even if your daughter was not bisexual, there’s no guarantee she would have a “traditional life with a husband and kids.” She might never marry. Or if she did, she might not have kids. Being bisexual does not preclude that traditional life, either. Bisexual means she’s attracted to both men and women; that’s all it means.
There are plenty of bisexual people out there married or otherwise committed to people of the opposite gender.
You need to let go of your preconceptions, difficult though it may be, and accept your daughter. I’m pretty sure that if you don’t, you’ll lose her. She came to you and told you this about herself because (I’m guessing) she wanted to be honest with you and thought/hoped you’d support her. If that’s true, you’ve let her down.
Your daughter is whatever person she is, attracted to whatever people she is. You don’t have the right to tell her otherwise.
Read up on bisexuality, check out PFLAG, and please, try to put your preconceptions aside and accept your daughter as she is.
3. Acceptance is key.
What else should I do?
You should let her live. It’s her choice and her life. She is 16 and is pretty sensible about what’s right and what’s wrong. You have no right to tell her to stop seeing the girl.
It could possibly be that she’s curious and may later discover that she isn’t bisexual, but for the time being let her be. She needs you to support her, not you to act homophobic.
Accept people for who they are, not who you want them to be.
4. Being there for one’s kid is rule 101 of parenthood.
So you think that by lowering the boom on her, she will somehow decide that dating people of her own sex is not a good idea? Perhaps there is a nice boy in her class that you want her to date instead. Can you think of a way to force her to date him instead?
If you can, then you will have accomplished something no parent in the history of the world has been able to do — control their children’s attractions to people. If you think there is a secret out there that will make her stop dating people YOU don’t like, and only date the ones YOU approve of, you are sadly mistaken. Parents who attempt this always find not only does it not work, it usually makes the kids resentful towards the parents. See Romeo and Juliet.
If your question is how can you stop your daughter from being bisexual, again, no big secrets. You can scream, yell, torture, deny privileges, take her to church, etc, but that is not going to change who she is or where her attractions lie. It will, however, drive a big wedge between the two of you.
When you have children, the ONE thing that all parents have to accept is that it isn’t about you anymore. It isn’t about what YOU want for your child. You may want them to grow up to be president, or a lawyer or a doctor, or rich, or whatever. But you cannot control your children that way, and if you do, you are going to create resentments and possibly even lifelong therapy sessions for them.
So what to do? You remain supportive of their desires, warn them to be safe, encourage them to practice safe sex if they are having sex, and that you have an open door at all times to listen to their problems, of which they will have many.
5. Short and simple piece of advice.
Rescind your order, apologise, and leave her alone. Her sexuality is no more your business than yours is hers.
Wish her every happiness, which has nothing to do with what you want and everything to do with supporting her. Being a sexual minority isn’t easy.
Her life, her rules and her choice. The least the parents can do is be supportive of their kids’ sexuality. Love them for who they are and your support can mean the world to them. They deserve being loved.
Source: Quora